16+ tips for surviving self-quarantine.

My family and I have been self-quarantined in Beijing since January 26. As the coronavirus has escalated in North America, I've had family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers reach out to me—asking for advice, asking about my experience, looking for commiseration, and some people specifically asked me to write a blog post.

Here it is, but with two big disclaimers: I am not an expert and this is my personal experience.

First, answers to questions a lot of people have asked:

Were you/are you worried about shopping for groceries? Did people run out and stock up on toilet paper and other supplies there?
In the beginning we were worried about groceries, because people kept talking about the possibility of shortages. We stocked up on enough food for about a week or two, a mix of fresh food and non-perishables. We bought one pack of toilet paper, two boxes of diapers for Clarke, one box for Mabel (she only wears them when sleeping), and two six-packs of baby wipes. Most of this we ordered (grocery delivery in Beijing is common and very cheap). I made one grocery run at the very beginning of our self-quarantine for a few items we couldn't order.

In the beginning, we did have a bit of a hard time getting fresh produce, but I think that had more to do with it being Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) and stock gets low at that time anyway. After a few days, it was no problem.

Over the past seven weeks, we've continued ordering groceries a couple times a week. A lot of restaurants were closed (because of the holiday and because of the coronavirus), but as they've slowly reopened, we've been ordering delivery a few times a week as well. We feel it is safe and a small way to help support local businesses (the restaurants themselves but also the delivery companies).

I don't think people stocked up on toilet paper the way they have in North America; I didn't hear of any shortages. I know people did stock up on masks and hand sanitizer, and there were shortages of those items.

What precautions did you take to stay safe and healthy?
We've been self-quarantining; the first two weeks were mandatory and the rest of the time it's been encouraged that we stay home as much as possible and only go out when necessary. (Protocol has been different depending where in Beijing/China you live.) We live on our school's campus; I've left campus three times (once for groceries, once for toys/activities, and once for a walk for my mental health). Tony has left once. The kids haven't left at all.

We wash our hands often—every time we leave our apartment, after getting a delivery, when we come in from outside, and all the usual times like after using the washroom and before eating.

When we leave campus and/or are around groups of people, we wear masks. We wear masks because it is recommended/required here. (Clarke hasn't worn a mask because the risks to babies' breathing outweighs the benefits.) Follow experts' advice on masks wherever you are.

What have you told Mabel? How much does she understand or know?
We have kept it very simple and told Mabel only what she needs to know, when she needs to know it. When she asks questions, we answer only what she asks and are as honest as we can be while keeping it appropriate for her age/maturity.

For example, she knows that school is closed right now and her ayi (nanny) and friends aren't here. She knows that she has to wash her hands more than normal because of "germs." Sometimes she seems to fixate on germs and I've told her that there are always germs and we should always wash our hands. I've explained that germs aren't all bad, that they can help make us strong, but sometimes they can make us sick so we're being careful.

She surmised on her own that school is closed "because germs" (her words) and so we went with that, and just told her we hope she can go to school again soon. We're doing online learning for now.

When she asks where her friends are, we tell her: Canada, Costa Rica, etc. When she asks why, we tell her because their moms and dads wanted to go there. (Obviously it's much more complex than that, but I'm not going to get into all that with my two-year-old.) When she asks when they'll come back, we tell her we don't know but hopefully soon.

Sometimes she tells us she's sad and I acknowledge her feelings and am honest, "I'm sad too" or "I miss my friends too." Sometimes I leave it at that and sometimes I try to swivel to a positive.

I think her young age is an advantage to us right now because her questions aren't too complicated.

How are Mabel and Clarke doing being cooped up?
We're lucky we live on campus so we have been going outside to the soccer field and playground almost every day. (There aren't many other people here right now and they're all being cautious too.) I don't think Clarke notices any difference (but maybe he misses our ayi and his baby friends?). The hardest part for Mabel has been missing her friends, teachers, and ayi. She tells us she misses her friends almost every day.

How did you stay mentally well? What is the best thing you've done to keep from panicking? 
The most difficult thing for me has been my mental health. I’ve gone through a range of emotions. It’s stressful not knowing when it will end, I feel guilty about Mabel having more screen time than usual, I've felt anxious and depressed, I miss my friends and feel lonely. I’m what I call an “introverted extrovert” so I love being home, but I also love being with other people. I'll share what has helped me below.

Is there an end in sight for you? Is it getting better?
Last I heard, cases have gone way down and most new cases are from people coming from abroad. For the time being, we are still practicing "social distancing" and there are strict measures in place in public areas like temperature checks, limiting the number of people allowed to sit at tables in restaurants, etc. Still no sign of when schools will reopen.

Tips for Your Mental Health

1. Stock up on self-care items for yourself.
Buy or borrow a bunch of books you've been wanting to read. (I love my Kobo and you can borrow library books online!) I've been using face masks and taking bubble baths a few times a week.

2. Get outside (or at least open the windows)!
I feel so much better after even just a few minutes of sunshine and fresh air. Like I said, we're lucky to live on our school's campus, but go for a walk or to a park if you can. (Note: Follow local/health experts' advice; I am not an expert.)

3. Exercise.
I was in a great routine pre-coronavirus but all that went out the window. I recently started doing pilates again and it's helping me feel better mentally and physically.

4. Keep up your planner.
Since I'm on maternity leave right now, I haven't been using a planner. I started again though and it's bringing peace and order to my days. I write down a few tasks to accomplish each day. And I sometimes retroactively write things down and check them off—Bath kids, check! Laundry, check!—to "prove" to myself that I did something that day. (Of course, it's okay to not "be productive" every day! You should take days off!)

5. Get dressed.
At the beginning, I was using self-quarantine as an excuse to stay in PJs and not do my hair or makeup. After a while, I realized that was contributing to my low feelings. Now a few days a week I get ready like I normally would; it's amazing what showering and putting on a bit of makeup while listening to a podcast and drinking coffee can do for you!

6. Talk to friends.
If possible, it's great to have a friend who is going through the same thing and someone who isn't. (I realize that latter option might be harder now that it is a global pandemic.) I've had regular video chats and group texts with friends and while we've been talking about the coronavirus, we've also talked about regular things: work, books, podcasts, joys and hardships of parenting, etc.

I haven't done this yet myself, but I've heard of people having virtual wine nights, book clubs, etc. I'm excited to try!

7. Find the silver linings.
When I start to feel really down, I try to find and focus on the silver linings. I get to spend more time with my family. I've been reminded that I can do hard things. Colleagues whose maternity leaves were shorter than mine have been able to spend more time with their babies.

8. Acknowledge the hard parts.
So many people have asked me some variation of, "Is it hard?" Yah, this whole situation sucks. Hashtag understatement. Acknowledge it. Sit with it. But try not to dwell in it.

9. Limit time spent on social media.
Easier said than done and I need to do better at this myself.

Tips for Kids

Some of the above apply to kids too: Get outside; exercise (Cosmic Kids Yoga is great); video chat with family and friends. Three more things that are helping us:

1. Stock up on toys and activities if you can. 
When I knew we’d be stuck at home for the foreseeable future and wasn’t sure if stores would remain open, I went on a small shopping spree. I bought everything from a DUPLO dollhouse, to a train set, to bath toys, to finger paint, to stickers. Tony and I agreed that we would give the kids a new “thing” whenever it seemed right and that we would probably (hopefully!) not use them all. We will save whatever is left for gifts for their birthdays, holidays, and maybe even other kids’ birthdays!

(That Lego doll house is in the running for the best money I've ever spent; Mabel has played with it—with us and independently—every day for the past 5 weeks!)

More ideas for activities: Busy Toddler and Days with Grey

2. Say yes.
That’s a tip I first read on A Cup of Jo and I always try to live by it, but especially now. Mabel wants to sleep upside down in her bed? Yes! Wants to play naked? Yes! Wants cereal for supper? Yes! Wants to jump on our bed? Yes! This has been hard for her, especially missing her friends, so I’m trying my best to keep her happy and entertained AND safe and healthy.

3. Throw away all the guilty feelings!
I know it’s easier said than done. I have felt guilty that Mabel is getting way more screen time than usual, that we chose to stay here so she isn’t able to go to school or play places or libraries (although it seems that would have eventually been the same if we had returned to Canada), that we’re ordering delivery for dinner a little more often because it’s hard to work and take care of the kids and cook and clean. When I give myself grace and tell myself I’m doing my best, it’s easier on all of us.

More Tips for Getting Through This

1. Continue to live your life.
It will look and feel different, but you need to adjust to your "new normal" for however long it lasts. While we've been self-quarantining, we've celebrated Tony's birthday, transitioned Mabel to a "big girl" bed, handled temper tantrums (Mabel's and our own), and done our best to have fun.

2. If possible, continue to pay people/support businesses.
I've been worried about the economy (locally, nationally, globally) since this all began. Tony and I are very fortunate that we are still getting paid (he's working from home and I'm on maternity leave). Because of that, we're able to:

+ Continue paying our ayi even though she's not working with us right now. (At first she wasn't allowed on campus; now she is a couple times a week, but we're being extra cautious.)

+ Continue my weekly pilates class with my "pre-coronavirus" instructor (via Zoom) so he'll still have that source of income, in addition to free/more affordable exercise classes online.

+ Order food and drinks from local restaurants and places like Starbucks. (Yup, Starbucks. I know they are a BIG corporation, but the way I see it, if people are ordering from them, baristas have more job security and so do the delivery guys and they will continue to get paid.) I've seen people online suggesting buying gift cards to your fave places to use after this ends. Do whatever is possible/what you feel most comfortable with.

3. Help others.
I've seen so many great ideas online and I'm sure you have too. Donate cash to food banks, offer to get groceries or run errands for those more at-risk, help look after someone's kids if they have to go to work and you're able to stay home, whatever you're able to do.

4. Do your best to flatten the curve. 
I know it sucks (again, hashtag understatement) to have trips and events cancelled, to be stuck home with your kids, to not be able to go out for your morning or afternoon coffee. But it is possible, it is doable; we've been doing it for 7 weeks and counting now.

If you have any more questions or if there is any way I can help you, please leave a comment, email me, or message me. We will get through this together!

reframing my thoughts.

It's not always sunshine and whimsy over here. I can be grouchy, grumpy, complain-y, etc. In fact, I'm those things way more often than I'd like to admit.

I've been trying to catch myself though. Catch the nasty, negative, complain-y thought, and turn it into a positive, thankful thought.

Examples from the past few days:

1. "I spent 7 hours on Sunday finding and booking hotels for our trip to Cambodia. My whole day was wasted!"

becomes...

"I'm very fortunate to be able to travel to other countries, and to be choosy about where I stay."

2. "Ugh. I have to make hummus tonight, or the vegetables are going to go bad."

becomes...

"How lucky am I to be able to afford fresh vegetables and choose to eat healthy snacks?"

3. "I wish he'd get up a few minutes earlier instead of sleeping 'til the last possible minute! Then he could be the one doing this!" - As I'm making the bed in the morning, worried about being late for work.

becomes...

"Woah. I could have got out of bed a few minutes earlier and then I wouldn't be stressed about being late. Plus, he always makes my second coffee for me."

***

I really hope this doesn't sound "preachy." I just wanted to share something I've been thinking about lately. I'm in the midst of my usual seasonal blahs and it can be difficult to feel happy. Trying (struggling, sometimes) to reframe my thoughts has been helping.

(Photo by Designlovefest)

good advice.

Good advice from Alex. 

on $60 candles and choosing.

Lately it seems like I've been seeing these Diptyque candles pop up all over the blogs I read and I've been filled with that envy we sometimes experience of people we don't know in real life, I wish I could afford a $60 candle. 

Then, the other day, a blogger posted a photo on Instagram of, you guessed it, a Diptyque candle. And again, I thought, I wish I could afford a $60 candle. But all of a sudden I was like, Wait a minute! I can afford a $60 candle. I just choose not to buy $60 candles. My whole attitude was changed! I wasn't jealous of people smelling $60 smells anymore; I was instantly happier with my much cheaper Ikea candles. 

And that of course, made me start thinking of all of the things I do choose to spend my money on. And then I started thinking about how lucky I am. I make money and I'm able to afford the things I really want. I mean, no, I can't afford huge shopping sprees or extravagant trips, but if I really want something, I can usually afford it. And those bigger things, I'm in a position to save for them. 

Right now, my priority is paying off my student loan and I'm saving for Tony to come visit Canada this summer. 

What are your priorities? What are you saving for? 

from my journal: 5 lessons I need to keep in mind.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

• You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved.

• No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. 

• You shouldn't compare yourself to the best that others can do. 

• You can keep going long after you think you can't. 

• Either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I was flipping through my old journal the other day and found this list. So glad I did because all of these are applicable to me right now (and probably always will be!). 

The only thing I think I'd add is about the first point -- "All you can do is be someone who can be loved." You are already someone who can be loved. You don't have to change or do anything.

P.S. Read other entries from my journal here.

there's more good than bad.

I'd already called in sick today when I heard the news about Boston. I don't remember what my first thought was, but all of a sudden, in addition to my body aching and my throat feeling scratchy, my stomach hurt and my heart felt heavy. I do remember thinking, I'm glad I took a sick day. I just want to stay here, wrapped up in a blanket because I feel like crying and how could I look at my kids when I know something so bad has happened?

As I pulled the covers up, my next thought was, The world is scary and it feels like it's getting worse instead of better and are we ever going to be okay?

And almost before I had even finished thinking that thought, I had another, and if thoughts have volume, this one was even louder than the previous. No! We will be okay because there are way more good people in the world than there are bad!

And I wondered if I was the only one who felt that way. Would people laugh at me if I told them I believed there was more good than bad in the world? Even now, when we hear of rapes and shootings and bombs?

But it turns out I'm not the only one who believes that there's more good than bad because the first thing I read when I could stomach the idea of turning on my computer was this:

And I thought of the quote by Mr. Rogers that I read for the first time after Sandy Hook. It turns out I wasn't the only one because I've seen it shared so many times today:

I hope that you, too, believe there is more good than bad and know there are still so many helpers.

Boston -- and the whole world, really -- I'm thinking of you. xo.

P.S. Runners are out in Boston this morning.

there's a lesson here somewhere.

Melissa: "Cara! You just ruined the picture!"

Cara: "No I didn't. I was just being happy!"

(photo from last year's trip to Vermont)

thoughts on a yard sale.

I had a yard sale this weekend. While it was nice to get rid of stuff and make some money, it was also harder than I realized it would be. We attach memories to things, at least I do, so even though I had decided to sell clothing, pillows, books, movies, etc., it was hard watching people walk away with them. I almost wanted to run after them, yelling, "That's mine!"

But, I didn't. They're just things after all, and as I told my "customers," I can't take them on the plane with me. It was either sell them or store them. Besides, I still struggle with the feeling that I own too much stuff. 

When I find a place of my own, I'll try and choose things with more care, and know that I don't need to keep things for the sake of memory alone.

I learned a couple of things, too:

1. People like a good deal. A lot of people came and bought a lot of items. I was surprised at how well I did.

2. People are willing to pay. There were times I was tempted to lower the price on an item someone was looking at and just when I was about to say, "I'll take $1 for that," they would pass it to me and say, "I'll take this" for the higher price that was marked. (Of course, I still made deals on some items!)

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On a completely different note, it was a really good weekend family-wise. (And also candy-apple wise :)

I hope you had a happy weekend!

time flies...

Since I'll be graduating today with my second degree from St. Thomas University, I thought I'd share a story I wrote this year for a writing class.

First, some background information: 

I wasn't scared, or even nervous, when I began university 5 years ago, but I suppose I wasn't quite ready for the newness of it all or to face the reality that people come from different backgrounds and have different interests than my own. Thankfully, I learned to be more openminded and to embrace new experiences. I also became less afraid to ask questions and voice my own opinions. 

It is tradition at St. Thomas to order a T-Ring and to attend the T-Ring Ceremony in your graduating year. When I was a senior, I knew I didn't want to have my name engraved on my ring, but instead something more meaningful, something special to commemorate my experiences and all that I'd learned at STU.

I'm standing in the long line at Tim Hortons in James Dunn, waiting to order the large double-double I need to make it through the day. Without warning, there's a tap on my shoulder. I turn around, and a grin spreads across my face. "Emily!" I cry, flinging my arms around her shoulders. I just saw her last week but it feels like it's been much longer than that; that's the way it is when you're best friends.

"Hi, stranger," she replies, her grin mirroring my own. "What's new?"

I shrug, wrinkle my nose, and roll my eyes simultaneously. "Nothing. School." She laughs and bobs her head to show that she understands. "What's new with you?"

Shuffling her feet and adjusting the strap on the green Adidas bag that she drags everywhere, Emily mumbles, "Oh, you know, just living the exciting life of a student and an RA." We both laugh and wistful thoughts of my own RA days swirl in my head. I shake them away and ask if she's getting excited about graduation. "Not really, but I probably should be, huh? Everyone else seems to be."

"HA! Remember me?" I scoff. "I wasn't even excited about graduating the day of."

My best friend, who knows me all too well, smirks, her hazel eyes sparkling. She brushes my comment off easily and says, "You were excited." I tilt my head and narrow my eyes. "You were! Maybe not about graduating, but about grad photos, and the pub crawl, and the T-Ring Ceremony."

Again, wistful thoughts crowd my mind. "Yah, I guess I was." I pause and then repeat, "I was," in a firmer tone. 

Emily laughs and I can't help but laugh, too, although it's a little bit forced on my part because I'm lost in memories. "By the way, what did you get engraved on your T-Ring again? I need to order mine soon and..."

-----

I'm standing in my small residence room, facing the pale blue wall, slapping up pages from the Twisted Whiskers page-a-day calendar my mom got me for Christmas. My suitcase is lying open on the floor and my thick winter coat is still draped across my shoulders but I don't feel the beads of sweat dripping down my back as I yell, "And this one! Yup! This one's perfect, too, because I am surrounded by nuts!" I rip another page off, apply tape at the corners, and smash it onto the wall. "Don't worry, I don't want to get out of bed, either!"

My mom looks timid, over by the door, and she whispers, "I'm glad you like the calendar."

"Oh, it's perfect!" Rip, smoosh, smash! "Every page that I rip off is a day. And that means it's one less day that I have to spend here." Rip, smoosh, smash! "Here in this hellhole with the weirdos." I steal a sideways glance at the door, because I know that they're in the room across the hall, sipping tea and talking about politics and Plato and a bunch of other stuff I don't understand...

-----

"Okay, Mom! I'm going, I'm going!" The dingy, grey carpet is a blur as I race up the stairs. I have to brush my teeth, straighten my hair, and get dressed before my mom decides it's time to leave. She hates waiting for me and I hate it when she's angry. As I twist the doorknob and push open the bedroom door, I smile just a bit. The bright yellow and flat turquoise on my walls never fail to get me and cool air hits my face. 

Grabbing my hair straightener, I turn towards the pine dresser and the mirror that is leaning on top of it. Hiss. I can see steam rising as I pull the tool through my still-damp hair. Shifting from one foot to the other, I glance down and realize that I forgot to tear off yesterday's page on my calendar. In a series of fluid motions, I carefully set the straightener down, pick up the calendar, and rip off the second-to-last page. It is December 31st and a green parrot is staring back at me. Tears stream down my face as I read the text: "Time flies when you're having fun!"

I bring my right hand up and wipe the salty tears from my cheek. "Mom!" I yell, already spinning around to run back through the door and down to the kitchen. I have to show her the truth I just discovered... 

-----

"What can I get for you?" The kind, but impatient, voice of the woman behind the counter interrupts my thoughts.

I face her and say, "Um, a large double-double, please." Over my shoulder, to Emily, I respond, "Time flies..."

(The photos above are of me and my friend, Nicole, before the 2011 T-Ring Ceremony, and of me at an after-party. The second photo always reminds me of Captain Planet :)

a lot changes in a year.

Remember how I told you I'm good at remembering dates? It means my memory forces me to relive days, good and bad.

This time last year, I was facing an impending breakup, smiling through tears. I was working at a job I only half liked, dreading night shifts. I woke up feeling heavy most mornings, dragging myself around, clawing through days.

This time this year, I am smiling up at the sun. I am getting ready for a big year ahead. I'm smiling more than crying, driving on country roads, roasting marshmallows, and drinking beer.

I'm reminded that life isn't all good, and it isn't all bad.

This time last year, I was also barbecuing and dancing with friends. I was sitting on the front lawn, reading good book after good book. I was loving half of my job, the half that allowed me to talk to many different people. I was learning how strong and how happy I could be.

This time this year, I'm also struggling against time. I'm facing hard decisions. I'm worrying about money. I'm proving to myself how strong and how happy I can be.

I've learned a lot changes in a year. Time really does heal. And life goes on, good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

words for the weekend.

(Photo via The Constant Buzz)

endings are hard.

Yesterday, my cooperating teacher and I were discussing the difficulties our students have had with writing good endings for their stories. We're puzzled, because their stories will have lots of details, descriptive words, they flow nicely, and then BAM! -- an abrupt ending.

I told her that I could relate to the students, that university students struggle with it, too. Or at least I do. I can't even count the number of essays I've gotten back from a professor with comments like, "Great essay! But the conclusion was abrupt" or, "This would have been perfect had the conclusion been better developed," etc, etc. The problem is, by the time I've written an entire essay (and a pretty darn good one!), my mind is fried, I have nothing left to say, and I JUST WANT TO BE DONE! I know I could do better, I should do better, but I give a half-hearted attempt at a conclusion and then it's over.

The final words I spoke to my teacher about the subject were: "Endings are hard."

My mind immediately jumped from stories and essays to other endings we're all familiar with. Friendships that have run their course. Death. Relationships that fizzle. Graduating. Moving. The list goes on and on.

Endings are hard.

(P.S. Have you ever wondered, "What's the point?")

wisdom from the dinner table.

A few months ago, my family ate dinner at my Nan's house. I'm not sure how, but we ended up talking about walking and driving, and the possibility of getting lost. I don't remember what the exact conversation was but I think it had to do with me moving away or visiting a city, something along those lines.

I remember my brother exclaiming, "Amanda! How would you survive?!"

And I replied, "Getting lost doesn't mean you're not surviving." 

Huh.

I meant it literally: I won't die if I can't find my way. Then I realized that it was a good metaphor for my life right then. And now. And probably for the future. And maybe for anyone who feels lost.

So I did what any wise person would do. I grabbed a pad of post-its, scribbled the sentence down, and stuck it in my journal when I got home.

from my journal: over it.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

"The place you are in needs you today." - Katherine Logan

I've been complain-y lately, saying things like, "I'm so over [this]... I need to get out of here... I'm done being a student... etc, etc." And this quote made me realize, I'm only here for a while longer, so I should make the best of it or better yet, enjoy it. Plus, STU still needs me. Res Life still needs me. Vanier still needs me. And I hope my friends still need me.

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I wrote the above in my journal over a year ago and I'm so glad I did. The feeling of being "over it" is one that crops up from time to time. I think it's healthy to acknowledge it and reflect on why you're feeling that way. If you need to make a change, make it. If you need (and are able) to remove yourself from the situation, do so. But realize the place you're in and the people you're with may still need you.

are you laughing, too?

I mentioned on Monday that I went to see 21 Jump Street with my mom and brother. While it was hilarious and we all enjoyed it, I left the theatre feeling happy for another reason. (No, not because I had just spent close to 2 hours staring at Channing Tatum, although that was nice.)

Big belly laughs and giant guffaws surrounded us in the theatre. We, too, laughed, and my eyes watered at some of the especially funny moments. But what really made me smile was catching my mom, between her own chuckles, looking over at me and my brother. Any time something funny happened, she laughed and then looked over at us to see if we were laughing, too.

It made me recall another time that I had sat in a dark theatre with someone. The movie we saw was fantastic, but I found myself watching the person I was there with almost as much as I watched the movie. I loved seeing him smile and laugh.

In the theatre Saturday night, I had a realization. It was something I had known before, but now I had a context, a way to frame it in my mind.

When we care about someone, really care, whether it be a family member, a friend, or a lover, we're just as concerned about their happiness as we are our own. 

something to think about.

On March 9th last year, my friend, Cara, sent me a message with the subject line "something to think about." Here is what she wrote:

"I watched the most incredible Argentine film last night. It was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time and it gave me a lot to think about but there was one point in particular that it brought to light that blew me away.

You see in Spanish, if you were to say "I fear" you would say "Temo".

And if you wanted to say "I love you" you would say "Te amo."

One letter difference.

Add an "a" to "temo" and you have "te amo".

Now that can be interpreted a variety of ways I suppose but here's my take: I'm thinking that in moments of fear and self doubt, we have to remember that we're just one letter away from love.

And that, my friend, is what they call "un consuelo" (a consolation)."

It definitely made me think and it's something I'd like to keep in mind.

(Photo via A Cup of Jo)

what's the point?

Maybe you're friends first or maybe you fall in love right away.

You grow closer. You exchange smiles and shy glances. Hopeful smiles and glances. There are phone calls and text messages. Plans are made.

You go for drives. Cuddle. Play board games and stay up all night talking. Wake up earlier so you have more time together. You share stories. You hug and kiss and are intimate. You give compliments and think so highly of each other. You're constantly in one another's thoughts. You read to each other and watch movies together. Play in the snow. You fall asleep, your limbs entwined. You open up and make yourself vulnerable. You begin to have hopes and dreams for the future. You remember things and try to surprise each other.

It's all so wonderful and you hope it will last forever.

But nothing ever stays the same.

Instead, you go to bed earlier and sleep in later. The phone calls lessen and the texts become shorter. The touches are more infrequent and less intimate. You're sharing fewer stories and watching more television. You begin to feel uncomfortable. Unwelcome. You aren't playing anymore, you're wondering and asking questions. You're still sleeping together but it's as if there's a line you're not supposed to cross. It feels as though things are ending and you're wondering, what now?

Things end. What was the point?

What is the point?

The point is it happened. You were excited and hopeful. Happy and comfortable. You had something to look forward to. You enjoyed it while it lasted. It may be over now but you learned from it. You learned what you like and what you don't like. What you want more of and what you want less of. You learned more about who you are and who you're looking for.

It's over but it was worth it. And now you know what is possible. You keep going, keep living. You know that there is something else to look forward to. Someone else to look forward to. And it will be even better.

That's the point.

Note: I wrote this on December 31st, 2011. That seems significant somehow.

we're gonna be fine.

I returned home from my Nan's last night. But that's not what's important.

One of the first things I did was go for a run. But that's not the important part either.

What's important is that as I was finishing my run, "The Lucky Ones" by Brendan James started playing.

The important part is that I was reminded that "we're gonna be fine."

I was reminded that I'm gonna be fine.

from my journal: things I've learned.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Things I have learned this week:
1) Mornings are better when you pack your lunch and choose your outfit the night before.
2) Sandwiches taste better when they are cut diagonally.
3) Exercise really DOES cheer you up.

dear 16-year-old me.

I went to the beach this summer for the first time in a few years. I wore a bikini for the first time in a few years. I laid out and hoped for a tan for the first time in a few years.

I didn't put sunscreen on until I had been at the beach for an hour. My reasoning: I wanted a tan and I don't burn easily. Guess what. I burnt. My face, chest, legs, stomach, arms, back... all red. Bright red.

I went to work that afternoon and a co-worker shook his head at me. He asked, "Haven't you ever watched 'Dear 16-Year-Old Me'?" I told him I had never heard of it and promised that I would watch it. I didn't watch it. Not that day, not that week, not that month.

I finally watched "Dear 16-Year-Old Me" this weekend. And I shivered. And I got teary-eyed.

You see, I know people who have had melanoma. My dad had melanoma. He was lucky; he caught it early and had surgery to remove it. Others aren't so lucky. I might not be so lucky. You might not be so lucky.

Please watch this video and share it with everyone.



P.S. I went to the dermatologist last year to have a mole checked. He decided that the shape and colour were concerning so I had it removed. It wasn't cancerous. Phew. But, that was before this summer. Before I went to the beach and got sunburnt. I'm going to check my skin regularly and I'll visit the dermatologist again if I notice anything suspicious. Will you do the same?