the first snowfall of 2021.

It didn't snow much last year in Beijing. Not enough to put on snowsuits and make snow angels and build snowmen. 

The last time we played outside in the snow was the beginning of 2020. (Yes, that 2020, the 2020 that brought us Covid.) Mabel was 2 years old and I don't think she remembers any of the stress and uncertainty of that time. I think she only remembers the good things, like the unlimited family time and playing on a whole soccer field of untouched snow. 

All day yesterday, Mabel talked about snow—"It's going to snow tomorrow!" I hoped for her sake it would. Then right before bedtime, it started snowing! 

Her refrain changed from "It's going to snow!" to "It is snowing!" and she quickly added, "We're going to play in it tomorrow!" 

I explained that we didn't know that for sure. I explained that it could stop snowing, that it might not snow very much, that it could start raining and that would wash away the snow, that the AQI might be too high for us to go outside. Killjoy much? 

I just didn't want her to be disappointed. 

As the kids slept, and Tony and I watched The Sopranos, the snow continued falling. We were hopeful. 

Mabel insisted on bringing carrots, sure we would build a snowman. 

In a very rare turn of events, Mabel slept until 8AM(!) this morning. When she woke up, she ate her breakfast at record speed, while Tony and I gathered all of the items we would need for the kids to play outside. We were thankful for hand-me-down snowsuits and relieved that the snow boots from last year still fit (just barely; we'll need to buy new ones). 

I wish that I had walked outside ahead of the kids to capture their first reactions, especially Clarke's "Wow" and look of amazement. I'm pretty sure his mouth was a perfect O. This was his first time playing in snow!

In the spirit of full transparency, there might have been more grumpy faces and tears than smiles. It was windy and cold, and I said more than once, "You guys would never survive in Canada!" 

We had fun though. Mabel made a few snow angels. 

In the beginning, Clarke stood very close to Tony and just took it all in. He got into it eventually and started making snowballs and chasing people around. He even wiped out once and fell face first, but got up still laughing. 

The snow wasn't packy enough to make snowmen, but we made little snow castles. 

Mabel wanted nothing to do with a family photo; this was the best we could get :) 

I want to remember the sound their little snowsuits made as they walked—swish, swish, swish—and that Mabel happily noticed the sound too. 

I want to remember that as we were getting them dressed to go outside, Tony said, "I'm sweating." I laughed and said that the fact we don't need to do this every day is one reason to be glad we don't live in Canada. 

I want to remember that both kids ran to see themselves in the mirror, so excited about their winter getups. 

I want to remember that before we even came back inside, Mabel was asking for hot chocolate. 

I want to remember that Clarke quickly drank his cup of hot chocolate, said "Yummy!" and asked for more. 

Here's hoping for more snowy days in Beijing this winter!

a trip to IKEA.

Last week, my friend Dani and I made a trip to IKEA. We talked beforehand and agreed we were in no rush and were okay with taking our time, browsing, chatting, dreaming up ways to make our apartments and classrooms better.

I had a (short) list of things I knew I wanted to buy, but was so glad Dani was happy to browse. We spent 5 hours(!!!) shopping, but the time passed so quickly. It helped that there were a few funny moments.

+ A couple of young guys approached us, trying to sell us shoe cleaner. This is common in malls and other public spaces. Dani told them no, but they didn't listen, and one started to bend to show her how the cleaner would work on her shoes. That's when I told them (in Mandarin), "She said no! She likes her dirty shoes." One of the guys looked surprised, but the other one laughed and we did too. They left us alone though!

+ Towards the end of the fifth hour, I wandered over to a wall and was looking at some hooks. I didn't realize I was talking to myself about whether I should get silver or gold until a young girl beside me asked (in Mandarin), "What?" Without thinking, I responded in English, "Oh, I'm just talking to myself." She gave me a nervous look and moved away. I turned around to find Dani laughing at me. *insert face palm emoji here*

I wanted meatballs!

We even laughed (after a few minutes of whining on my part) about the restaurant being closed and having to eat our IKEA hotdogs outside. 

On a completely different note, I remembered Bridget's Target posts, and was inspired to share the things I wanted to buy at IKEA, but didn't: 

I spied these ottomans (they come in yellow and black) and thought they might be perfect for Mabel and Clarke in our entryway. The kids are always plopping down onto the floor to put on and take off their shoes, and while I'm sure they don't mind, it might be nice for them to have a place to sit. Plus they have storage! This would be greatly appreciated for hats and mittens once the cold weather arrives again. I didn't buy them because I need to measure the space, but they're on my wish list. 

Mabel has been asking to paint her bedroom walls pink, and while I'm not ready to commit to that, I did tell her we could get more pink accessories for her room. I spotted this pillow and took a picture to see if it met her approval. 

I can't decide if I would love or hate this coffee table for storage. Good for things like blankets or will I be annoyed that I can see everything?

I want a new lamp for the living room but haven't found any I love. Maybe this? Or is it too short? Too office-y? 

Okay, I'm not sure I like the look of these, but thought one might be good on the wall in our small bathroom for storage? Or maybe on the wall of the entryway? I showed T and he ixnayed it, but I'm still pondering, especially after reading this article. 

Would love this Hemnes shoe cabinet for the entryway. I don't think I'd use it for shoes though; I'd use it to corall a bunch of our junk. 

We have an art area for the kids where we keep paper, markers, watercolours, etc. The paper is all just stacked, but I want some kind of storage for it to keep it organized. These are a possibility but I'm wondering if they will be sturdy enough.

These organizers remind me of similar ones at Muji, but for a fraction of the cost.

This cart and the cutting board on top would be great as a side table in a small apartment, wouldn't they?

We're supposed to sort our garbage, recycling, and compost, and I'm still looking for an easier way to organize it all in our small kitchen. I want to check if this can be attached to the inside of a cupboard door under the sink. 

Another pink thing for Mabel. I actually ended up ordering this for her in pink and it's already hanging on the side of her bed, storing the Junie B. Jones book we read every night at bedtime. 

Also ended up ordering these pink storage containers. Mabel and Clarke put their "treasures" in them as soon as they arrived. 

I don't need these bowls, but I want them. They remind me of Tupperware we had when I was growing up. Perfect for making and storing taco salad or cuddling up on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn. 

I wasn't sure if Tony would want this storage container for rice, but my hunch was right and he did! Unfortunately, it was too big for our space (luckily I measured before we ordered it), so we ended up getting this smaller container instead. 

I can't stop thinking about this lamp. If it was available to order online, it would be on my bedside table already. It'll have to wait until my next trip. 

Pretty storage; need I write more? 

I actually ended up ordering this mirror too. I like it, but not sure I love it. I just don't like clutter and don't use a small mirror very often. 

I'm so happy I live in a city that has IKEA. Not so sure my bank account is though. 

Do you have any fave IKEA purchases or something that's on your wish list?

currently.

I'm cheating a bit because this photo is actually from December.

drinking a lukewarm caramel macchiato that has already been reheated once.

feeling anxious; I'm not sure why. 

growing my hair out. 

looking forward to the opening of my friend Dani's art exhibit tonight at Zarah. 

wondering if I'll actually get back into blogging.

trying to remember how to blog. 

navigating the new (to me) Blogger layout and wondering if I should switch to Wordpress.

thinking about the bed and bookshelf from IKEA that we ordered and then cancelled. 

wishing I was better at decorating and making decisions.

reading magazines on my new iPad with my free Apple News+ trial. 

spending more time on TikTok than I want to admit. 

taking deep breaths.

making a to do list in my head. 

wanting to do more decluttering.

What are you doing currently? And do you read magazines? Which ones?

morning coffee.

I hear the doorknob rattle as I’m about to get in the shower. I hear your baba say, “Mabel! Bù! Mama xǐzǎo!” (He’s protective of my time alone and I appreciate that.) I hear you say something about coffee and then the doorknob rattles again. I walk over and open the door, see you standing there holding a little red cup. “Coffee, Mama! Put it here,” pointing to the spot where your baba leaves my coffee every morning.

I thank you and tell you I can’t wait to drink it. You smile and close the door.

Later, while I’m washing my hair, I hear you asking your baba, “Whatchu doin’?! No! I made Mama coffee!” He fibs and tells you he’s making coffee for himself.

I get out of the shower and find two cups of coffee waiting for me. How lucky I am to be loved by you both. Who knew morning coffee could convey so much?

16+ tips for surviving self-quarantine.

My family and I have been self-quarantined in Beijing since January 26. As the coronavirus has escalated in North America, I've had family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers reach out to me—asking for advice, asking about my experience, looking for commiseration, and some people specifically asked me to write a blog post.

Here it is, but with two big disclaimers: I am not an expert and this is my personal experience.

First, answers to questions a lot of people have asked:

Were you/are you worried about shopping for groceries? Did people run out and stock up on toilet paper and other supplies there?
In the beginning we were worried about groceries, because people kept talking about the possibility of shortages. We stocked up on enough food for about a week or two, a mix of fresh food and non-perishables. We bought one pack of toilet paper, two boxes of diapers for Clarke, one box for Mabel (she only wears them when sleeping), and two six-packs of baby wipes. Most of this we ordered (grocery delivery in Beijing is common and very cheap). I made one grocery run at the very beginning of our self-quarantine for a few items we couldn't order.

In the beginning, we did have a bit of a hard time getting fresh produce, but I think that had more to do with it being Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) and stock gets low at that time anyway. After a few days, it was no problem.

Over the past seven weeks, we've continued ordering groceries a couple times a week. A lot of restaurants were closed (because of the holiday and because of the coronavirus), but as they've slowly reopened, we've been ordering delivery a few times a week as well. We feel it is safe and a small way to help support local businesses (the restaurants themselves but also the delivery companies).

I don't think people stocked up on toilet paper the way they have in North America; I didn't hear of any shortages. I know people did stock up on masks and hand sanitizer, and there were shortages of those items.

What precautions did you take to stay safe and healthy?
We've been self-quarantining; the first two weeks were mandatory and the rest of the time it's been encouraged that we stay home as much as possible and only go out when necessary. (Protocol has been different depending where in Beijing/China you live.) We live on our school's campus; I've left campus three times (once for groceries, once for toys/activities, and once for a walk for my mental health). Tony has left once. The kids haven't left at all.

We wash our hands often—every time we leave our apartment, after getting a delivery, when we come in from outside, and all the usual times like after using the washroom and before eating.

When we leave campus and/or are around groups of people, we wear masks. We wear masks because it is recommended/required here. (Clarke hasn't worn a mask because the risks to babies' breathing outweighs the benefits.) Follow experts' advice on masks wherever you are.

What have you told Mabel? How much does she understand or know?
We have kept it very simple and told Mabel only what she needs to know, when she needs to know it. When she asks questions, we answer only what she asks and are as honest as we can be while keeping it appropriate for her age/maturity.

For example, she knows that school is closed right now and her ayi (nanny) and friends aren't here. She knows that she has to wash her hands more than normal because of "germs." Sometimes she seems to fixate on germs and I've told her that there are always germs and we should always wash our hands. I've explained that germs aren't all bad, that they can help make us strong, but sometimes they can make us sick so we're being careful.

She surmised on her own that school is closed "because germs" (her words) and so we went with that, and just told her we hope she can go to school again soon. We're doing online learning for now.

When she asks where her friends are, we tell her: Canada, Costa Rica, etc. When she asks why, we tell her because their moms and dads wanted to go there. (Obviously it's much more complex than that, but I'm not going to get into all that with my two-year-old.) When she asks when they'll come back, we tell her we don't know but hopefully soon.

Sometimes she tells us she's sad and I acknowledge her feelings and am honest, "I'm sad too" or "I miss my friends too." Sometimes I leave it at that and sometimes I try to swivel to a positive.

I think her young age is an advantage to us right now because her questions aren't too complicated.

How are Mabel and Clarke doing being cooped up?
We're lucky we live on campus so we have been going outside to the soccer field and playground almost every day. (There aren't many other people here right now and they're all being cautious too.) I don't think Clarke notices any difference (but maybe he misses our ayi and his baby friends?). The hardest part for Mabel has been missing her friends, teachers, and ayi. She tells us she misses her friends almost every day.

How did you stay mentally well? What is the best thing you've done to keep from panicking? 
The most difficult thing for me has been my mental health. I’ve gone through a range of emotions. It’s stressful not knowing when it will end, I feel guilty about Mabel having more screen time than usual, I've felt anxious and depressed, I miss my friends and feel lonely. I’m what I call an “introverted extrovert” so I love being home, but I also love being with other people. I'll share what has helped me below.

Is there an end in sight for you? Is it getting better?
Last I heard, cases have gone way down and most new cases are from people coming from abroad. For the time being, we are still practicing "social distancing" and there are strict measures in place in public areas like temperature checks, limiting the number of people allowed to sit at tables in restaurants, etc. Still no sign of when schools will reopen.

Tips for Your Mental Health

1. Stock up on self-care items for yourself.
Buy or borrow a bunch of books you've been wanting to read. (I love my Kobo and you can borrow library books online!) I've been using face masks and taking bubble baths a few times a week.

2. Get outside (or at least open the windows)!
I feel so much better after even just a few minutes of sunshine and fresh air. Like I said, we're lucky to live on our school's campus, but go for a walk or to a park if you can. (Note: Follow local/health experts' advice; I am not an expert.)

3. Exercise.
I was in a great routine pre-coronavirus but all that went out the window. I recently started doing pilates again and it's helping me feel better mentally and physically.

4. Keep up your planner.
Since I'm on maternity leave right now, I haven't been using a planner. I started again though and it's bringing peace and order to my days. I write down a few tasks to accomplish each day. And I sometimes retroactively write things down and check them off—Bath kids, check! Laundry, check!—to "prove" to myself that I did something that day. (Of course, it's okay to not "be productive" every day! You should take days off!)

5. Get dressed.
At the beginning, I was using self-quarantine as an excuse to stay in PJs and not do my hair or makeup. After a while, I realized that was contributing to my low feelings. Now a few days a week I get ready like I normally would; it's amazing what showering and putting on a bit of makeup while listening to a podcast and drinking coffee can do for you!

6. Talk to friends.
If possible, it's great to have a friend who is going through the same thing and someone who isn't. (I realize that latter option might be harder now that it is a global pandemic.) I've had regular video chats and group texts with friends and while we've been talking about the coronavirus, we've also talked about regular things: work, books, podcasts, joys and hardships of parenting, etc.

I haven't done this yet myself, but I've heard of people having virtual wine nights, book clubs, etc. I'm excited to try!

7. Find the silver linings.
When I start to feel really down, I try to find and focus on the silver linings. I get to spend more time with my family. I've been reminded that I can do hard things. Colleagues whose maternity leaves were shorter than mine have been able to spend more time with their babies.

8. Acknowledge the hard parts.
So many people have asked me some variation of, "Is it hard?" Yah, this whole situation sucks. Hashtag understatement. Acknowledge it. Sit with it. But try not to dwell in it.

9. Limit time spent on social media.
Easier said than done and I need to do better at this myself.

Tips for Kids

Some of the above apply to kids too: Get outside; exercise (Cosmic Kids Yoga is great); video chat with family and friends. Three more things that are helping us:

1. Stock up on toys and activities if you can. 
When I knew we’d be stuck at home for the foreseeable future and wasn’t sure if stores would remain open, I went on a small shopping spree. I bought everything from a DUPLO dollhouse, to a train set, to bath toys, to finger paint, to stickers. Tony and I agreed that we would give the kids a new “thing” whenever it seemed right and that we would probably (hopefully!) not use them all. We will save whatever is left for gifts for their birthdays, holidays, and maybe even other kids’ birthdays!

(That Lego doll house is in the running for the best money I've ever spent; Mabel has played with it—with us and independently—every day for the past 5 weeks!)

More ideas for activities: Busy Toddler and Days with Grey

2. Say yes.
That’s a tip I first read on A Cup of Jo and I always try to live by it, but especially now. Mabel wants to sleep upside down in her bed? Yes! Wants to play naked? Yes! Wants cereal for supper? Yes! Wants to jump on our bed? Yes! This has been hard for her, especially missing her friends, so I’m trying my best to keep her happy and entertained AND safe and healthy.

3. Throw away all the guilty feelings!
I know it’s easier said than done. I have felt guilty that Mabel is getting way more screen time than usual, that we chose to stay here so she isn’t able to go to school or play places or libraries (although it seems that would have eventually been the same if we had returned to Canada), that we’re ordering delivery for dinner a little more often because it’s hard to work and take care of the kids and cook and clean. When I give myself grace and tell myself I’m doing my best, it’s easier on all of us.

More Tips for Getting Through This

1. Continue to live your life.
It will look and feel different, but you need to adjust to your "new normal" for however long it lasts. While we've been self-quarantining, we've celebrated Tony's birthday, transitioned Mabel to a "big girl" bed, handled temper tantrums (Mabel's and our own), and done our best to have fun.

2. If possible, continue to pay people/support businesses.
I've been worried about the economy (locally, nationally, globally) since this all began. Tony and I are very fortunate that we are still getting paid (he's working from home and I'm on maternity leave). Because of that, we're able to:

+ Continue paying our ayi even though she's not working with us right now. (At first she wasn't allowed on campus; now she is a couple times a week, but we're being extra cautious.)

+ Continue my weekly pilates class with my "pre-coronavirus" instructor (via Zoom) so he'll still have that source of income, in addition to free/more affordable exercise classes online.

+ Order food and drinks from local restaurants and places like Starbucks. (Yup, Starbucks. I know they are a BIG corporation, but the way I see it, if people are ordering from them, baristas have more job security and so do the delivery guys and they will continue to get paid.) I've seen people online suggesting buying gift cards to your fave places to use after this ends. Do whatever is possible/what you feel most comfortable with.

3. Help others.
I've seen so many great ideas online and I'm sure you have too. Donate cash to food banks, offer to get groceries or run errands for those more at-risk, help look after someone's kids if they have to go to work and you're able to stay home, whatever you're able to do.

4. Do your best to flatten the curve. 
I know it sucks (again, hashtag understatement) to have trips and events cancelled, to be stuck home with your kids, to not be able to go out for your morning or afternoon coffee. But it is possible, it is doable; we've been doing it for 7 weeks and counting now.

If you have any more questions or if there is any way I can help you, please leave a comment, email me, or message me. We will get through this together!

mabel's big girl bed.

A week ago, Mabel got a "big girl" bed! First, the backstory:

T wanted to make the switch before Clarke was born to avoid buying a new crib, but I had heard from many people (sleep experts, other mamas) that basically, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Mabel still fit in her crib, she was sleeping through the night, we could afford to buy a new crib (this one from IKEA)... I didn't want to mess with it. So we didn't.

But as kids do, Mabel's getting bigger. And she was bumping up against the bars of her crib. But still, I hesitated. And then we went to T's parents for Chinese New Year. And she had a toddler bed there. We hyped it up to her, but I was sure she wouldn't sleep in it. I was wrong. She did sleep in it! All of her naps and all through the night every night that we were there. And then she started asking for a "big girl bed at me home."

I conceded to Tony. It was time to get a "big girl" bed.

Because of the coronavirus, IKEA was closed, but luckily, we could still place orders online. After lots of debate and measuring, we decided on the MINNEN.

After her first nap in her new bed!

We set it up a week ago and this is what I want to remember:

+ Mabel picked out the duvet cover by herself. She had a hard time choosing between "yellow" and "animals" but went with the latter.

+ She "helped" us put it together. She was (and still is) very proud of that and tells everyone, "Me and Mama and Baba built it!"

+ As we were putting it together, she said, "Thanks, Mama! Thanks, Baba!"

+ While we were deciding what length to set the bed at, we asked Mabel to lay on the floor with the bed frame around her. She looked at us like we were stupid and was obviously exasperated. She lay down but said, "This is not a bed; it's a floor!"

+ We put the bed together in the morning when Clarke was napping. When he woke up, Mabel was so excited to show him, "Look, Dìdì! Look at me big girl bed!"

+ When it was time to sleep in the bed, she asked for her crib back because, "I want to hold you hand." (We always laid on the floor beside her and held her hand as she fell asleep.) Now we sit in a chair beside her bed and hold her hand; she's happy with that.

+ She napped in it that afternoon, no problem.

+ Her first night in the bed, she kept waking up and crying. I finally gave up and brought her to sleep with me and Tony (her first time sleeping with us!).

+ Every night since that first one she has slept through the night (except one time when she woke up and I had to sit beside her for a half hour or so).

I thought I would feel more sad about the transition (I did get a little weepy), but I'm excited. My baby girl is growing up!

let it be christmas.

Let it be Christmas everywhere
In the hearts of all people
Both near and afar
Christmas everywhere
Feel the love of the season where ever you are
On the small country roads
Lined with green mistletoe
Big city streets where a thousand lights glow

Let it be Christmas everywhere
Let heavenly music fill the air
Let every heart sing let every bell ring
The story of hope and joy and peace
And let it be Christmas everywhere
Let heavenly music fill the air
Let anger and fear and hate disappear
Let there be love that lasts through the year
Let it be Christmas
Christmas everywhere

Let it be Christmas everywhere
With the gold and silver, the green and the red
Christmas everywhere
In the smiles of all children asleep in their beds
In the eyes of young babies their first fallen snow
Elderly's memories that never grow old...

---

A friend shared her Christmas playlist with me and this song was on it. As I walked to Starbucks this morning, I had tears in my eyes as I listened to it. I'm still listening to it on repeat as I write this.

The lyrics really speak to me. (Cheesy? Maybe, but true? Definitely.)

Christmas was hard for me growing up because as exciting and magic-filled as it was, there were also elements of anger and fear. I'm trying to change that for my kids. Year-round, not just at Christmastime.

Clarke slept through his first snow, but he doesn't know, so his second (or third or fourth) can be his first. And I'm sure he and Mabel will both be asleep in their beds with smiles.

And just yesterday I got a card from Fran, my Grampy George's wife. I cried because she thought of me and my family, and because it's the first year that my Grampy didn't write it and address it himself in his familiar calligraphy. I hope he has a happy Christmas even though it's his first in a nursing home.

Anyway, enough rambling from me. Let it be Christmas wherever you are.

P.S. My first Christmas abroad and the song that got me through.

Elf!

I took Mabel to see Elf this past weekend. The excitement started a few weeks ago when we bought her ticket. She pointed at every poster she saw—"Elf!"—and would tell anyone who was around that she was going to see it. 

Yes, I did buy her these elf PJs specially for the show.

She insisted Dìdì wear his elf outfit too, even though he wasn't going with us. I was surprised and impressed that she remembered he had one; she'd only seen it once weeks ago. (It's probably a good thing she insisted Clarke wear it because I don't think it will fit him by Christmas.)

She insisted on bringing a toilet paper roll. *shrug emoji*

She was pumped that she was dressed like Buddy the Elf. (But didn't love the attention that she got from everyone because of it.) Before we went into the theatre, she was smiling so big and seemed about to burst from the energy. She said, "Mama, I'm so scared!" 

"I think you mean you're so excited?" 

"Yes, Mama! Excited!"

I thought Mabel would want to sit on my lap, but at first she sat in her own seat. I actually liked that better because then I could more easily watch her reactions. When the show began, her eyes were so wide! She bopped along to the music, swinging back and forth, "snapping" her fingers. When the lights changed colours, her eyes grew so big and her mouth formed an O—"Wow!"

I wasn't sure if she would be able to sit through the whole show but she did a great job! It was about an hour long and when it was almost done she asked to go home but I assured her she would see Santa and "Elf" one more time. She loved the parts with them in it, but the parts with "regular" people she found a little boring. 

We said hi to Auntie Jo after the show. (She's one of the StageCats directors.)

After the show we went out to the lobby so Mabel could see Santa and Buddy. She didn't want a photo with Santa, but she said hi. She worked up her courage to get a photo with Buddy though! She was happy to show her that she was dressed like her :) 

And she brought a candy cane home—her first!

I'm so excited to be making memories with my little girl. Especially Christmas memories. I think this is one of my favourite parts of parenthood.

(And I just realized that I didn't get any photos of me with Mabel. *face palm emoji*)

happy halloween!

Celebrating Halloween with a two-year-old is a lot of fun.

I collect holiday books and stash them away most of the year; we pulled out our Halloween books a week or so ago. Mabel asks to read a "Haddoween book!" every day, usually more than one. One of her favourites is If You're Spooky and You Know It, probably because she loves to sing and dance.

We don't have many Halloween decorations, but she loves the ones we do have and points to them, "Haddoween!"

Mabel was a hamburger (like last year) and Clarke was a hot dog.

We practiced saying "trick or treat" and "thank you" all last week, but when we went trick or treating in our apartment building on the weekend, Mabel was pretty shy and wouldn't say either at first. Half the time, she'd put her bucket in front of the person and then hide behind me. About halfway through, she started whispering, "Thank you." The only person she said "trick or treat" to was Auntie Jo. Mabel also gave her a spontaneous hug, which was so sweet.

Clarke only made it through two floors before Tony had to take him home.

I talked to Mabel before we went trick or treating about the fact that she might not be able to eat all of the candy because some might hurt her (I meant choking, but didn't say that). She understood because we've talked about it before. At the apartments that had multiple candy choices, Mabel would give me a look that seemed to say, "Mama, what can I have?" and I'd help her choose a safe treat. At the apartments that only had "unsafe" treats, sometimes we would skip it or she would take one and say, "Mama, Baba eat!"

As we walked through the hallways, several times Mabel held up her pumpkin and asked, "Go home, eat, right?" I'd confirm, "Right!" and she would give me a big smile. She also held the pumpkin up a few times and said, "Mabel, Mama, Baba eat. No Dìdì." (She wasn't being mean; we've drilled into her that he only eats Mama's milk, lest she try to give him food.)

When we got home, Mabel pulled all of the treats out of her bucket one by one, separating them into two piles, "Mama, Baba eat; Mabel eat." The ones she wasn't sure about, she'd ask me, "Mabel's?" She never got upset when I said she couldn't eat something. A couple of times, she pulled a treat out and said, "Wow!"

I let her eat as much as she wanted then (which ended up being a couple small chocolate bars and some popping candy) and she's eaten one candy a day since then when she gets home from school.

I already can't wait until next year. (And Christmas! I can't wait for Christmas!)

i'm forgetting.

Clarke was 12 days old here and Mabel was freshly 2 years old.

I said I would blog and I haven't but I want to, I do, I promise, but I've been busy. Busy holding my baby and reading books with my toddler and cuddling her whenever she will let me. Also, it feels so overwhelming. I am overwhelmed by the task of How to Document My Children's Lives—these fleeting moments that are so hard and so special. I don't want to forget any of it, but I am.

I'm forgetting what it's like to have a newborn flailing in my arms, their arms and legs all jerky and spastic.

I'm forgetting what a newborn sounds like—SO LOUD! Much louder than you'd think. Farts and burps that sound like a grown man's. Heavy breathing that stops and starts and is so nerve-wracking for a first-time mom (and sometimes a second-time mom, too).

I'm forgetting what "nip-lash" feels like, when the baby is so full and content and goes from happily, sleepily, hungrily sucking to pulling away from the nipple while still having it firmly in their mouth. With a twist of their neck and a resounding smack! when the nipple is released—"nip lash."

There's more I'm forgetting, I know there is, but as I sit here, I, well, I forget what I'm forgetting.

I'll remember it though, when the baby does something, like babbles up to me and blows spit bubbles, I'll think, I remember this! Your sister did this! It will all come back to me and I'll feel sad that I forgot what that early baby talk sounds like and I will promise myself that I will remember, I won't forget this time. And I'll think, I should write this down, take a video, burn it into my memory so I won't forget.

But inevitably, I will.