what I want to remember: the first 7 months of pregnancy.

I haven't documented my pregnancy the way that I thought I would. I haven't blogged about it other than this "checking in" post. I haven't taken weekly—or even monthly—"bump" photos. I haven't written anything in my journal.

Let the mom guilt begin!

Kidding, mostly.

I'm surprised that I haven't been writing or taking photos, and I do feel a bit of... regret's not the right word, at least, I don't regret anything right now, but maybe later I will. I do feel the need to record the details somewhere, but that feeling hasn't been strong enough to actually make me take action, other than typing quick thoughts and memories into a note titled "What I want to remember" on my phone.

The last "bump" photo we took. I was 27 weeks; I'm 31 weeks now. (Also, not an ad for Snapple, just a result of T and I heading back to school after lunch and me saying, "We're the worst! We haven't taken a photo in weeks!")

Maybe someday I'll write the details of everything I remember—finding out we were pregnant, our feelings and reaction, the doctor appointments, etc—somewhere, whether it be here or my journal. But for now, here are those notes:

Peeing on the stick and the second line appearing immediately. Asking Tony, "Babe, can you come in here? I'm not sure if I did this right, but..."

Taking another test the next morning and the line appearing immediately again.

Waking Tony up to tell him, "We're having a baby!" and him kissing me and falling back asleep.

Seeing the little appleseed on the ultrasound and realizing we're having a baby, really.

Googling every symptom and feeling because I worried so much. (This actually usually made me feel better.)

Falling asleep between 7 and 8:30 every night and sleeping in until 6:30 every morning and taking a nap every lunchtime during the first trimester.

Feeling nauseous every morning and every night and most afternoons.

How hard it was to keep a secret from almost everyone.

Eating tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, pasta, hamburgers and fries, pizza, and clementines almost exclusively for weeks because that's all I wanted/could handle.

Sobbing because T "bought the wrong kiiiiiind of tomatooooo sooooup."

Not being able to stand salmon for weeks; even photos of it would make me gag.

T getting excited as soon as we saw the baby on the screen at the 12-week ultrasound; me getting excited when we saw it move. (I had been so worried something would go wrong.)

Sitting in a taxi with T, on our way to brunch, and me saying, "It's amazing what we get used to. I mean, if I felt this sick before I was pregnant, I'd be on the couch, but now I'm like, 'I feel okay! Let's go to brunch!'"

Puking 3 times on the sidewalk walking home from that brunch.

Seeing the baby yawn at 16 weeks! And relaxing with its arm behind its head.

Bedtime is my fave part of the day because that's when I almost always feel the baby.

Eating so much fruit, especially citrus.

T got me Haagen Dazs a few times.

T woke me up from a nap because he was rummaging through the drawer to get the camera because "we have to start taking photos!" (And then we never took photos.)

I couldn't stand the smell of his favourite soup noodles, so I wouldn't let him order them and the one time I did let him, I had to spend a few hours in the bedroom with the door closed.

When I told my principal I was pregnant, she said, "Your life is about to get so much better!"

Me at 10PM, in bed: "Can you get me the pickles?"
T: "Now?!"
Me: "Yah..."
T: "Okay..."
Me: "And cheese slices too!"

When T felt the baby move for the first time. I was 20 weeks, we were laying in bed at his parents' home during Chinese New Year, and I was like, "Woah!" and he was like, "I felt it!" His laugh and the look in his eyes was the best.

When he felt it again a few nights later. No less magical.

Not being able to fall asleep at T's parents' home and I asked him to sing (after I cried and swore and punched a pillow). He sang Adele and Don McLean and Bob Dylan and it was probably just a coincidence, but baby started to move around. (And then I fell asleep.)

Finding out it's a girl! I teared up. Almost immediately thought of the song "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine.

The ultrasound technician telling us she has big eyes and a high nose, "beautiful like her mom."

The ultrasound technician telling us she was grabbing her foot.

We played "Daddy's Girl" for baby girl when we got home and she moved a lot!

I kept thinking, Tony's going to have a daughter. It wasn't until an hour later that I realized, I'M going to have a daughter.

FaceTiming T's parents to tell them and they were both on the screen and smiling and T's dad guessed, "It's a granddaughter!" (In Chinese, of course.) When T said yes, his dad smiled SO big; I've never seen him smile that big.

FaceTiming with my dad and him showing me the clothes he bought his granddaughter (including the cutest little yellow bathrobe).

Looking at clothes in GAP. T's smile and eyes, shining happy and proud, when I showed him the onesie that said "I'm Daddy's sunshine." And then when he said, "I'm a little excited" (which in T speak means very excited).

Buying that onesie and the one that said "I love my mommy and she loves me."

Every time T says, "It's a miracle!"

Packages from mom filled with baby and maternity clothes.

T begging me to drink milk: "Please, I want my daughter to have milk." And then I became addicted and drink at least 3 litres a week.

Receiving gifts from colleagues and friends as soon as they knew we were expecting.

Thinking, Baby Zhang is already so loved. We're so loved.

Tums, so many Tums.

My nipple leaking and me knowing right away, "Oh, this must be colostrum."

Simultaneously being anxious and amazed at how my body is changing.

Feeling baby girl move every morning and every night and more often throughout the day.

When Tony and I made up after an argument and hugged, baby girl kicked. T laughed and said, "I felt her!" I said, "She's saying, 'Group hug!'"

The giant package from dad—the first mail he's sent me since I moved to China—filled with baby clothes and books and toys.

All of the unsolicited advice and ridiculous comments and questions from people.

T taking care of all of the insurance/money stuff.

T waking me up because I was sleeping on my back.

Finally buying a pregnancy body pillow and sleeping through the night (other than my usual middle-of-the-night trip to the bathroom).

T waking me up because he was poking around my stomach, "I'm worried the pillow is squishing the baby!"

Me asking the doctor to tell Tony to not wake me up. The doctor showing Tony that my uterus is like a balloon and helping him feel it and assuring him that baby is safe.

T waking me up a few weeks later to tell me to get under the blankets because, "What if the baby's cold?" And then me yelling at him, "DON'T WAKE ME UP AGAIN! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP WITHOUT YOU WAKING ME UP?"

Every morning when he wakes up and every evening when he gets home from work, T asks me, "How's my baby?"

T held my hand while I got a needle in the butt (yay, being Rh-negative) and told me I was strong (I think he was practicing for when I'm in labour). Then he said, "Tell me everything you're worried about, one-by-one, and we'll figure it all out" to calm me down when I couldn't stop silently crying because I felt anxious about everything and nothing.

Craving caesar salad with Kraft caesar dressing. Two different people bringing me a bottle of salad dressing from Canada.

T talking to my stomach, "Wǒ de bǎobèi guīnǚ..." (Translation: My baby daughter.)

T telling me, "Last night I couldn't fall asleep for like, 10 minutes, because you were cuddled up to me and she was kicking so much!"

A couple weeks later, I cuddled up to him in the morning and she woke us both up with her kicking.

Reading the weekly updates about baby and my body on the What to Expect app every Sunday.

***

Man, writing this all out makes me wish I had been blogging all along. I could have blogged about why we didn't go anywhere for Christmas, what my students said when they found out I was having a baby, all of the above in more detail...

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

Weeks 6-12 crept by slowly, weeks 12-31 have flown by; I wonder how the next 9 will go. I have a feeling they will feel both so long and so short. We'll see...

highlights from nova scotia.

Towards the end of July, T and I went on a road trip to Nova Scotia. We planned two nights in Bridgewater to visit friends and three nights in Halifax to celebrate our first anniversary and visit more friends. 

T and I make a great team. He's the navigator and I'm the driver. We rented a car and off we went (after a mandatory stop at Tim Hortons, of course). 

I want to remember that even though I was nervous about driving in new places (I'd only visited Halifax once and never driven there), I did great. (I never used to be nervous about driving, but the combo of only driving once a year + rental car + new place, made me anxious.)

We arrived in Bridgewater late in the afternoon and were so excited to meet Tiffany and Nemanja's new baby girl, Una. 

I want to remember that on the first night, I asked Tony if I could have a turn holding Una and he said no. I thought he was joking; he wasn't. So sweet to see my husband so enamoured with his best friend's baby. 

We drove to Lunenburg and wandered around the waterfront before eating at a wonderful restaurant that I can't remember the name of now. 

I want to remember how easy it was to catch up with our friends, even after a year. I want to remember that I felt so at ease, like releasing a big breath of air, ahhh.

The next morning, I finally got a turn to hold Una. 

I want to remember that T was pretty comfortable with the baby, holding her and swinging her. 

We visited Rissers Beach and even though it was a bit chilly, we enjoyed walking around. Plus, there was ice cream at the end!

Staying in Bridgewater with our friends and their parents was wonderful start to our vacation. We stayed up late talking, slept in, and just felt so relaxed and at home. 

On our way to Halifax, we stopped at Peggy's Cove. I'd never been, so it was new for both Tony and I. I wondered if it would be worth it. 

It was. So fun to wander around the big rocks, breathing in salty air, hair being whipped around. For souvenirs, T chose a magnet for our fridge and an ornament for our Christmas tree. (We try to get an ornament for every trip we take together, and T has a magnet collection.)

I want to remember that we laughed and smiled the whole time. I want to remember that we shared a big plate of mussels. 

We stayed at the Delta Barrington right downtown in Halifax, which was perfect. We parked the car for the weekend and walked everywhere.

I want to remember that we had to drive around the hotel 3 times before we could find a spot to park, but neither one of us got stressed. I want to remember that after getting back to our hotel room that night, we were surprised with this small cheese plate and card. 

We didn't realize that we'd be in Halifax for Pride until the night before we left, but I'm glad we were. It was our first Pride parade, and I was so happy to enjoy it with friends. 

It was rainy for part of the afternoon, but then cleared and turned into a sunny day. We had beer and snacks on a patio, ate our first Beavertail, and enjoyed Cows ice cream. 

In the evening we met up with Kate, one of my friends from university and talked and talked and talked. We ate at The Wooden Monkey and it was perfect—the food, the atmosphere, the company, even the waiter. 

I want to remember sitting on the grass talking to Kate. I want to remember that we arrived at the restaurant just as a thunder and lighting storm started, and we watched the rain from our table by the window. 

Our last full day in Halifax was our anniversary and we spent most of it with our friends, Julie and Sammie. We took the ferry to meet them in Dartmouth and then spent the afternoon at their apartment. 

Julie's parents came over and we had donairs. Can you believe I'm from the east coast of Canada and had never had a donair?! Delicious!

Sammie and Julie surprised us with chocolate pie and a candle. So sweet! 

We all talked and listened to music and watched music videos. Then we played washer toss. I discovered that Tony's pretty good at it, I'm really bad at it, and we both love it. 

1 for our first anniversary!

Then we headed to a park and fed ducks! This was a first for Tony and so fun, like being a kid again. 

I can't even tell you how fun and relaxed our time in Halifax was, especially this day with our friends. I think this is one of the best things about living abroad. You make friends from all over the world and no matter how much time passes in between visits, you feel at home with them. 

Other highlights and things I want to remember: 

+ We booked our stay at the Delta on their website instead of through Agoda. I checked it on a whim, and for the same price, we got a deal where breakfast was included each morning. We could order anything off the menu! Steak! Omelet! Homemade strawberry jam!

+ We visited the Maritime Museum of the Atlantic and thoroughly enjoyed it. Tony especially found it interesting. 

+ We also visited the Canadian Museum of Immigration at Pier 21. I think this was my favourite museum of the two, because it was interactive and I was experiencing it from the point of view of the wife of a Chinese man who will most likely immigrate to Canada eventually. (Fun fact: We both took a practice version of the citizenship test and neither one of us passed. *embarrassed face emoji*)

Honestly, I don't remember very much. I just remember an overall feeling of "life is good"—always a sign of a great trip.

Edited to add: I want to remember what I shared on Instagram the day after our anniversary: 

We had the best day yesterday celebrating our first anniversary—exploring, eating, spending time with friends, feeding ducks. And then right before we were supposed to go out for a lobster dinner, I ended up on the floor in our hotel room, puking into the toilet. T was beside me the whole time, rubbing my back. Instead of enjoying lobster, we spent the evening in bed, watching OITNB. All I could think was, if this isn't exactly what marriage is—good times and bad, sickness and health, ups and downs—I don't know what is. Sure, I would have rather been eating lobster than hugging a toilet bowl, but as long as Tony is with me, I'm golden. It really was the best day celebrating our first year married, puke and all.

P.S. More travel highlights, including Montréal & Vermont.

happy friday!

It's this wonderful man's birthday today! This photo is my favourite right now. I feel like it captures him so well. I LOVE Tony's laugh. When he's really, truly happy or finds something really funny he breaks into this super dorky laugh and it is everything. His eyes light up, his eyes crinkle, and his smile is so darn big. When I captured it last week, I was like, This is it! This is Tony! You guys, at the risk of being too schmoopy, I just love him so much.

As for the rest of the week, well... it was the first week back to work after a two-week vacation so I feel like it could have been really bad or really good, and it was... both. There were highs and lows; I was really happy and content, and really sad and frustrated, but the overwhelming feeling was just really positive. And isn't that a wonderful thing to realize? Overall, life is good.

I hope you had a positive week as well, and I hope you have a peaceful weekend. xo

our wedding thank you cards.

The general consensus on the internet seems to be that you should send thank you notes no later than three months after the wedding, so I'm gonna say that sharing them on your blog by seven months after is okay? (Don't worry; I met the three month deadline for mailing them!)

Unlike our Save the Dates and invitations—which weren't really necessary because we only had 10 guests including the wedding party—I knew we would need thank you cards. Tony and I are lucky to have a lot of caring, generous people in our lives, so not only did we need thank you cards, we needed more than 10.

Pro tip: Writing thank you notes is a lot more pleasant with a beer. (Until you spill the beer everywhere and end up arguing with your husband. Fortunately the thank you cards were unharmed ;)

Ordering these was probably easier than our other wedding stationery because we already knew what we wanted—simple cards with focus on the photo and/or words, and plain white envelopes. 

Luckily, our photographer was amazing and not only did she take breathtaking photos, but she got them to us in record speed. It was so much fun uploading the photos to my Wedding Paper Divas account and personalizing different options.

In the end, there were two options that both Tony and I loved: Favorite Photo and Loving Thanks.* It was a tough decision! The only reason we ended up going with the first option is because we decided we wanted a folded card.

I deleted the text on the inside of the card so that there would be more space for a handwritten note. (I love that you're able to personalize so many details!)

And just like our Save the Dates and invitations, I used Sharpie pens to address them and washi tape from A Beautiful Mess to give the envelopes a pop of colour.

I loved the result!

*Oh man, I still love these two options. The text! The colours! The photos!

Both of these are Loving Thanks.

P.S. I loved the photo on our thank you cards so much, I ordered it on a Christmas ornament from Tiny Prints.

(Save the Dates c/o Wedding Paper Divas. Photos on thank you cards by Kandise Brown)

honeymoon in st. andrews.

Mmm, lobster cappuccino.

Proof I didn't take enough photos: I didn't even get a photo of the hotel in daylight. 

Fun game: Walking around, admiring beautiful homes, guessing how much they would cost if we decided to move to St. Andrews. 

It was cold on the waterfront, so we ended up spontaneously buying matching sweatshirts. I pretended not to like them, but not-so-secretly was thrilled.

I'm okay with schmoopy kissy photos when it comes to honeymoons.

My husband is hotter than yours ;) 

T had seen a friend's photo of a deer in St. Andrews and on our last day there, he said, almost angrily, "I still haven't seen any deer!" I was in the middle of explaining that deer don't just go wandering around town all the time, so a deer sighting isn't guaranteed, when TWO DEER JUST WALKED OUT IN FRONT OF US! T looked at me like, "See?" Ha!

Room service—a guaranteed way to feel fancier than one really is.

Almost 7 months ago, T and I went on a short 3-day honeymoon in St. Andrews, New Brunswick. We decided on this particular destination and timeframe for a few reasons:

1) With planning a wedding + getting married + all the "real life" stuff that needed to happen + + +, we decided on a shorter honeymoon so we'd have more time to spend with friends and family; after all, T and I live with each other in Beijing, and I only get to see my Canadian people in the summer.

2) We wanted to save money. Just like our thoughts on weddings, we agreed that honeymoons don't necessarily have to mean spending a ton.

3) Pretty much anywhere we went in Canada would be new to Tony and would have fun things for both of us to do.

4) We're lucky that unlike many people, we get a large amount of time off and are pretty much guaranteed to visit at least one new country each year (for example, we visited Cambodia last year and Indonesia this year), so there was less pressure to choose the "perfect" honeymoon destination.

So St. Andrews it was! We stayed at The Algonquin and while I would definitely recommend staying there, we booked a patio room and both agreed that the extra cost wasn't worth it. If we visited again, we'd just book a regular room.

I didn't take nearly enough photos, but then again, I think this indicates success at quality time spent together. Neither T nor I spent very much time on our phones, and because they're our cameras... We truly just enjoyed our time together, relishing each moment, as cliché as that sounds.

Highlights included dinner at Savour in the Garden*, friends surprising us with a bottle of champagne at the dinner, whale watching on the Jolly Breeze, playing board games in the gallery at the hotel, late night drinks on the veranda, coffee at Honeybeans, seeing deer while we were walking home, matching sweatshirts, lobster(!). Really, we just enjoyed spending our days wandering around, relaxing, and eating as much seafood as possible.

T and I agreed we would love to visit again someday, maybe for an anniversary.

*I had to add a special note about our dinner at Savour in the Garden: It was highly recommended to us by friends, but T really wasn't crazy about spending $72 each plus drinks on a meal. He grumbled a bit even as the first course was served, We're paying so much money for this little food?! I'm still going to be hungry when dinner is done! And then we tasted the food and were blown away! And after 6 courses, we were stuffed (I couldn't even finish dessert)! This really was my favourite experience of our whole honeymoon. We both discovered a love for "fancy" food; T discovered a love for champagne; and while I was a little nervous and unsure of which utensil to use for each course, it turned out T is a pro! So fun!

P.S. All posts related to our wedding, including our untraditional reception and our Chinese wedding.