back to work.

Mabel at 4 months old. Photo: Kandise Brown

Yesterday was my first day back at work since Mabel was born and I have so many feelings and thoughts about it. But let me back up a bit first and tell you how lucky I am.

I work at a Canadian school in Beijing and as part of my contract, they follow Canada's maternity leave policy, so I am entitled to a year off. Mabel was born last year with 3 weeks of school left, and on my intended return date this year, there would also be 3 weeks left. Instead of working those 3 weeks full time, my principal proposed that I work 1 day/week for the rest of the school year beginning yesterday. Yes, it means leaving Mabel 3 months earlier, but only 1 day a week! And I can come home at lunch to nurse her (our apartment is on the school campus)! And I was home by 3:45! Lucky!

***

I still cried 4x yesterday though.

The first was as I was walking to school and a colleague asked how I was and I said, "I'm okay" and then started to cry. I tried not to, but it couldn't be helped. Thankfully that person handled the potentially awkward walk to school with grace and made me feel better about my crying.

Then I cried when the teacher I was supplying for asked how I was.

I don't remember the third time I cried, but I know it happened.

And then I cried when I got home from work at the end of the day and saw Mabel, who smiled so big and threw her arms up in the air when I walked in the door, as if to say, "Yay! You're back!"

***

When T and I got home yesterday for lunch (we take the same lunch break), Mabel was excited to see me but it was clear that it was only for my boobs and the milk they contain. When she was done eating, she only had eyes for her baba, just like every other day when he comes home for lunch. I was like, "Hey kid, I was gone all morning, too! What am I, chopped liver?"

It hurt a bit that she didn't seem to care, but I was also glad about it. Obviously our time apart isn't bothering her too much. And I guess that's been her lunchtime routine almost every day from the time she was two weeks old: Baba comes home! Yay!

***

I forgot how exhausting teaching can be. I forgot how fun it can be. I forgot how much I love "my kiddos"—even when they're students I just met for the first time.

I didn't know how exhausting teaching can be when you're still waking up through the night with a baby. I didn't know how hard it can be to feed your baby and pump and feed yourself on a lunch break. I didn't know how I'd feel leaving my baby to teach other people's babies.

***

I applaud—standing ovation level applaud!—all of you moms who have had or will have to return to work when your baby is a few weeks or a few months old. I know if I had to I would, because moms specialize in doing what needs to be done, but man, it would be HARD (understatement).

happy saturday!

This week had a couple of crappy moments—even an entire crappy day, saved only by a few kind, understanding people, watermelon, and a bath with a beer and a book—as most weeks tend to do. But there were so many good moments, too, not least of which were all the moments that made up last night.

Last night we hosted a wedding dinner with most of T's colleagues and his friends and my friends, our friends. 22 of us eating and drinking and laughing.

Other great moments from this week:

M, one of my students, looking up at me at the end of the school day, motioning for me to bend down so he could whisper in my ear, "We'll see each other again tomorrow, right, Ms. Amanda? We'll see each other tomorrow."

S, after discovering coloured chalk on the playground, drawing on the fence and smiling at me with the biggest, most genuine smile ever.

That same S wearing nail polish and not being shy about it anymore, comparing colours with me and his female classmates. He gave me a pack of nail polish stickers (think Jamberry), gaudy sparkly blue, so "We can match! You and me be the same!" Made my day, maybe even my week.

Baths. I never thought I'd be a bath person but I've turned into one. Heaven at the end of a long day.

And now this happy moment is gonna make me sound like a dork, but it also makes me feel like an honest to goodness adult that it makes me so happy: The caulking around our bathtub was redone, thank God, and it was done pretty well.

What made you happy this week?

happy friday!

This week had its ups and downs. Wedding stuff, school stuff, life stuff. But! Ceremony time is decided! Hotel, hair, and make-up are booked! We survived an indoor day because of pollution and being short a TA. And I got medicine for my ear infection.

It seems like a switch flipped this week. My kids are going crazy—spring fever, end-of-year excitedness, whatever you want to call it—and I've reached that point where it's like, "I've been teaching for 9 months; I'm done. I can't." but I think I just realized, I only have 3 weeks left with them. So of course, I'll keep going and I'll enjoy the bittersweetness of it.

I ate delicious food tonight from many different countries (hooray, school multicultural food fair!), danced and jumped around with kids, and helped out.

And now I'm lying in bed, sweaty and with dirty feet—sure signs of a good time.

What made you happy this week?

super simple valentine's day craft.

Valentine's Day is only a couple days away, but that doesn't mean there isn't still time to do heart-and-love-themed crafts with your kiddos.

I did this super simple craft with my preschoolers yesterday and they loved it! (Although after I showed them what we were going to do and said, "I love you to PIECES, get it?!" only two of them laughed. They're four years old though; hopefully the recipients of the valentine appreciated it ;) 

I quickly created the template in Photoshop, cut up red and pink paper (you could have your kids cut the paper themselves; we were on a time-crunch), gathered glue sticks, and we were set!

I've added a link below for you to download the template!

"I love you to pieces!" valentine template

last day of school.

I wish I could post other photos to show you just how cute they are and how much fun we had, but these faceless photos of us playing will have to do.

Yesterday was the last day of school for students and I'm feeling woah. I'm relieved and happy and sad and tired. I'm also already feeling nostalgic for this school year, my first year teaching a full class of 25 kiddos (ages 4 and 5).

If I'm being honest, I often caught myself feeling nostalgic during the year, as the moments were happening. Does that make sense? I guess I just knew that it was a privilege to take care of these kids and although it was definitely frustrating a lot of the time (Hi, did I mention I had a class of 25 4- and 5-year olds?), I knew I should try and soak it all in because it wouldn't last long. (Although trust me, 180 school days is enough ;) And also, holy, if I feel this way now, what's gonna happen when I have my own kids?!

Anyway, the point is, I love my students and I wanted to share what I wrote to them in the yearbook:

Dear kiddos,

Thank you SO much for a wonderful year! We played together, sang and danced, and read A LOT of stories! Your favourite books were Pete the Cat and Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus. We learned about ourselves, feelings and emotions, community helpers, and plants and insects. We made crafts, dressed up, worked hard, and had fun! You did a fantastic job singing "I Like Winter" at the Winter Concert* and you sang "Let It Go" from Frozen almost every day. You made me smile every day. You made me so proud this year and I've loved watching you grow up. I'll miss you SO much next year, but I'm excited for you to go to kindergarten and show everyone else how amazing you are.

Love,
Ms. Amanda

Yup, I'm definitely gonna miss them.

P.S. I'm not on vacation yet! I'm teaching three weeks of Summer Camp starting on Monday. But! Exactly one month from yesterday Tony and I will be leaving on a jet plane! (Please tell me you sang that last part :)

*They wore sunglasses and had little guitars they pretended to play and they rocked out! It was the cutest thing ever!

my current motto.

I think I've blogged this photo before, but it's the motto I'm living by these days. End of the school year, man. It'll get you. 

funny and true art + a postscript.

I took a sick day today and in between the coughing, sneezing, nose blowing, difficulty napping, and tea drinking, I went through Sirin Thada's archives and fell in love with so many of her drawings. 

They're funny and true and did I mention I'm in love?

See more here. 

P.S. Last night, after calling in sick, I started crying (sobbing) because I only have so much time left with my kids! Either I'm more tired and sick than I realize, or I'm crazy, or I love them. Probably all of the above. 

preschool conversations: what does a bunny say?

Students: "Ribbit! Ribbit!"

Me: "Boys and girls, that's what a frog sounds like! What sound does a bunny make?"

Students: "Hop, hop, hop!"

We made these bunny masks today in class. Man, four-year-olds are cute. I wish I could upload a photo of them, but you know, privacy. You'll just have to believe me when I say they were adorable.

(Photo via Pinterest)

preschool conversations: I've got a girlfriend!

I had the cutest conversation with one of my students the other day, right after several of the boys announced they had girlfriends:

Me: B, you have a girlfriend?

B: (with a huge grin) Yup!

Me: Who is she?

B: [Insert name I forget here.]

Me: How old is she?

B: Um... 5! (Holding up five fingers)

Me: How did you meet?

B: By my locker! She was going to da bathroom!

Me: Oh, wow! Does she know she's your girlfriend?

B: Yah! We see each other sometimes!

a reason to celebrate.

I don't know how many pictures of a blue sky I've posted on this blog, but today's deserves to be celebrated. After endless days of pollution, the air quality index being "hazardous," opening up the curtains this morning and seeing a blue sky felt like a miracle. Walking to school this morning I think I actually had a bounce in my step. If my life were a musical, I would have broke into song. Now that I think of it, I was humming.

This morning one of my boys took my hand and said, "Today's so shiny!" Another said, "I love the sun, Ms. Amanda!" Another yelled, "Sky is blue!"

After a week of being stuck indoors, my kiddos were super happy to play outside. "Ms. Amanda! Can we play Red Light, Green Light?!"

Yup, today's blue sky is a reason to celebrate.

Update: Celebrate, we did. By going to Häagen-Dazs and getting ice cream. Macadamia nut and chocolate for me, strawberry cheesecake for him.

and then...

Today I woke up and was okay until I showered. I don't know what happened after that, but I was in a bad mood. Not angry, and not exactly sad, but not good. I felt close to crying and didn't want to be around anyone. Of course, I had to go to work though. Tony tried to hold my hand and I pulled away. Before I left, we hugged though.

And then, walking downstairs, I noticed the sunlight streaming through the windows. I had forgotten about that kind of beautiful light. And then I got to school and my kids ("my kids") started to arrive and yelled, "Ms. Amanda!" and wanted hugs. And then Tony surprised me with Starbucks. And then I carried a crying kindergartener upstairs and talked to him about his library book. And then I got to eat a Timbit from Canada. And then I got back to my class and there was a tiny ceramic dog on my desk and T (my student) said, "It's for you, Ms. Amanda! A fox! I give you!" And when I asked him why, he said, "I love you, Ms. Amanda!"

And then I had a good day after all.

on my mind.

Horseshoe Weekly Planner by Sarah Pinto

// I am on the hunt for a good agenda/planner for 2014. I've been keeping track of my life digitally and I've come to the conclusion that it really doesn't work for me. I think I was much more productive/happy (you know if you could hear me, I would have said that "slash") when I was writing and crossing things off on paper.

Any suggestions? It has to be good. I'm extremely picky when it comes to planners (just as I am when it comes to iPhone cases). It has to have a monthly view as well as a daily or weekly. I prefer one that has a way to mark which date I'm on, such as a ribbon or elastic or corners that tear away. There needs to be space to write notes: to do lists, cute things my students say, quotes, etc. It should be pretty or whimsical or cute, plain or bold. The Sarah Pinto Horseshoe Weekly Planner above is a contender.

// Does anyone else like ginger ale? I wouldn't say I LOVE it, but every once in a while, I crave it. And not just when I have the flu. It's such a simple flavour. Bubbly and comforting, I think. But maybe it just seems that way to me because it makes me think of my Nan. Okay, new question: Does anyone else think ginger ale is an old people drink? (No offense, Nan!)

// I really feel like I need at least 2 full days (probably more) to catch up on all of the stuff I need/want to do. Things like update my resume and apply for jobs, tidy the apartment, study Mandarin, update my photo albums on FB, blog, figure out good wintery lessons for teaching the alphabet and numbers 1-10. (Please don't laugh at that last one; it really is difficult to teach these things to 25 4-year-olds whose second language is English, I promise.)

// Today one of my students, a little boy I'll call "B," said, "Ms. Amanda! There are bees in my body!"
I asked, "Bees?"
He said, "Yes! You know, bzzzz!" and flapped his arms.
It turns out, his back was itchy. I scratched it for him and he said, "Thanks! Bees all gone!" 

// Was reminded again today: There's no point worrying.

resolved.

Sorry for the radio silence for the past oh, you know, THREE WEEKS!

I’ve just been bogged down with setting up a new apartment, a new classroom, getting used to a new routine, new people—colleagues, friends, students. Mostly, I've been busy feeling overwhelmed and lost.

I keep wondering, how do teachers with kids do it?! I'm struggling to keep my fish and plants alive! And the thing is, I mean that in a half-joking way, but the other half is totally serious. Please, share your secrets!!

I’m at the school no later than 7:40, sometimes earlier than that. I usually don’t leave until 5 or after, sometimes much later than that. I’ve gone in every weekend. And I know, I know, this is the life of a teacher, especially a first year teacher. I’m not complaining, just stating facts.

I go to school every morning and usually I feel ready to take on a new day, positive it’s going to be great. On the mornings I don't feel that way, it changes as soon as I see one of my students. I light up. I love them. I do.

My mood shifts a hundred times each day. Resolved. Cheerful. Happy. Grumpy. Tired. Lost. Happy. Sad. Frustrated. Angry. Relieved. Happy.

Yesterday was no different.

And this morning, I woke up at 5:30 to the sound of thunder and saw flashes of light. I expected to walk to school in the rain. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped outside to puddles on the ground, but no raindrops falling. I was even more pleasantly surprised to look up and see a blue sky and white clouds. And then I kept walking and the sky was gray. But then I turned a corner and there was the blue and white again. A metaphor, I thought. Yes, I thought. Today is going to be a good day. I am going to be cheerful and have my shit together. 

Resolved.

i know these things to be true.

This is how I ended what was a rough week. 

Some things in life are just magical. Like bubbles. And balloons. And seeded dandelions. And children's laughter. And kisses. 

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“When you love a city, you think the skyline is beautiful and special. A skyline does not need to change to be loved, because if you already love everything that is inside the city limits then you also love what it looks like from the outside. People who love everything that is inside you already think you are beautiful and special on the outside, too.”

- Smart, Pretty & Awkward

can't argue with that.

Me: It's beautiful outside today!

G: No.

Me: It's not beautiful outside today?

G: No. It's really, REALLY beautiful!

Me: Well, I can't argue with that, kid.

meet our new class pet.

I bought a goldfish for my class a couple of weeks ago and I probably should have bought one sooner but I didn't because I didn't want to have to clean it slash what if it dies slash what if the kids knock it over because they're crazy kids.

But so far so good. The kids love it.

See? 

We voted on whether it was a boy or a girl. They decided girl. 

And then we had to name her.

G said we should name her Orange because "her skin is orange." (Fair enough.)

L suggested Jump because "she jumps!" (Uhh... no, she doesn't, but okay.)

And A said "Goldfish!" When I asked him why, he slapped his forehead and looked at me like I was an idiot, "Because she's a goldfish!" (I could almost hear the duh! I'm sure he was thinking.)

So we voted. 

And now the kids come to school every day and yell, "Good morning, Goldfish!"

And I come in every morning and ask, "Are you still alive, Goldfish?" (And every night I say, "Please don't die, Goldfish!")

They watch her swim and take turns feeding her. 

I remind them not to push/hit/spit or blow on her and that she doesn't like playing with cars.

i'm going to thailand tonight!

Well, technically, I'm going to Seoul, Korea tonight. The Incheon International Airport, to be specific, where I will spend the night and then fly to Thailand tomorrow. The point is, I'm leaving for a two-week vacation tonight!

It's Chinese New Year this weekend, so we have two weeks off, and Alanna and I will be spending the next 14 days traipsing around Thailand. And by "traipsing around Thailand," I mean we will be bathing elephants and holding tigers in Chiang Mai, visiting markets and temples and buddhas in Bangkok, and relaxing on the islands of Krabi.

Our plan is to do all that and more, but I will be happy as long as I get to kiss an elephant. Seriously, that is my main goal on this trip!

I won't be blogging between now and when I get back, but I hope to be able to tweet and Instagram. (What's the verb for posting a photo to Instagram? Would it be "gram"?)

P.S. "Kuài lè! Kuài lè! Kuài lè!" (Happy! Happy! Happy!) That's what I was singing as I was getting ready to leave work today. I was happy, the secretary was happy, the guards were happy. And the guards were laughing as I danced around singing "Kuài lè!" (It's the first time in a long time that I've felt truly like myself. See #6 here.)

P.P.S. These photos don't have anything to do with going to Thailand, but my oldest student, G, took them and they make me smile. Especially the second one because after he took it, he ran over to show me and in a worried voice said, "Oh no! You have no eyes!" I explained that he just couldn't see them because I was looking down. Obviously relieved, he sighed, "Oh, good!"

P.P.P.S. Highlights from Boracay.

so many marshmallows!

Last Wednesday was an excellent day. It snowed! Not a lot -- but enough to get the kids excited. Especially G, my Chinese student. He walked in with his dad and then ran right back out to be in the snow. I was so happy to see him holding his hands out to catch snowflakes.

We couldn't go outside in the morning because A wasn't wearing a winter coat and N didn't have a hat or mittens. But! I skipped my break after lunch to go outside with G and Tracy, my TA. G was so excited and wanted so badly to build a snowman. So we did. Just a small (really small) one because there wasn't much snow and it wasn't very "packy." It didn't matter, though. G was happy. We used buttons for the eyes, a pompom for the nose, and a stick for the mouth. Our snowman didn't have a hat -- or arms :) G grabbed a bigger stick and said, "Mustache!" So, our snowman got a mustache.

While Tracy and G continued to play, I ran across the road to a store called Jenny Wang's and bought three different kinds of hot chocolate: french vanilla, caramel, and mini marshmallows. I declared to everyone we were having a hot chocolate party! Tracy, G, and Diane (my admin lady), seemed excited and I was so happy. I got Diane to translate for me and the ayi (cleaning lady) and guards had hot chocolate, too.

Tracy told me that she was pretty sure it was G's first time building a snowman and having hot chocolate. (He kept saying, "So many marshmallows!") I get sad sometimes that he likely won't remember me (he's 3 and a half), but maybe he'll remember these moments or the feelings. I know I do from when I was a kid.

where I work.

I'm going back to work today after having a week off, so what better time to tell you about where I spend the majority of my days?

I teach at the Shunyi Campus of the Canadian International School of Beijing. It's a Montessori school for children ages 18 months to 6 years old. It's small, only 3 classrooms, but it's cute.

It takes 30 minutes to an hour to get there from where I live, depending on how bad traffic is. A driver picks Alanna and I up every morning a little after 7. Everyone always says, "Man, the commute must suck!" but really, it's not that bad. I usually nap or read.

These are "before" shots of our classroom. All of the furniture and most of the materials we use are brand new, which is awesome. Unfortunately, all of the furniture is tiny so my back and butt hurt by the end of the day. 

These are the "after" shots, although things have changed a bit since I took these photos.

We only have 3 students (total, not each), so Alanna and I decided to combine our two classes in one classroom. Our students are 22 months, 35 months, and 3 1/2 years old, so there's not too big of an age gap.

I know it sounds like we have it easy, but trust me when I say that there are pros and cons. I won't go into details here because I don't think it would be professional, but everyone knows that jobs can be hard. Especially first jobs.

They can also be really rewarding. When a child whose first language is not English says "thank you" to you for the first time -- completely unprompted -- it can make your day (and cause you to cry).

P.S. Where I live. 

what's your real name?

I was going through my binder from my internship in a grade 2 class and I found this conversation that I had jotted down after the first time I met my students:

Student: "What's your real name?"

Me: "Miss Greer."

Student: "No, your real name!"

Me: "That is my real name."

Student: "No, like what your kids call you... If you have kids."

Me: "I don't have kids. And if I did, they'd probably call me Mom."

Student: "That's true..."

Man, I miss those kids.