16+ tips for surviving self-quarantine.

My family and I have been self-quarantined in Beijing since January 26. As the coronavirus has escalated in North America, I've had family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers reach out to me—asking for advice, asking about my experience, looking for commiseration, and some people specifically asked me to write a blog post.

Here it is, but with two big disclaimers: I am not an expert and this is my personal experience.

First, answers to questions a lot of people have asked:

Were you/are you worried about shopping for groceries? Did people run out and stock up on toilet paper and other supplies there?
In the beginning we were worried about groceries, because people kept talking about the possibility of shortages. We stocked up on enough food for about a week or two, a mix of fresh food and non-perishables. We bought one pack of toilet paper, two boxes of diapers for Clarke, one box for Mabel (she only wears them when sleeping), and two six-packs of baby wipes. Most of this we ordered (grocery delivery in Beijing is common and very cheap). I made one grocery run at the very beginning of our self-quarantine for a few items we couldn't order.

In the beginning, we did have a bit of a hard time getting fresh produce, but I think that had more to do with it being Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) and stock gets low at that time anyway. After a few days, it was no problem.

Over the past seven weeks, we've continued ordering groceries a couple times a week. A lot of restaurants were closed (because of the holiday and because of the coronavirus), but as they've slowly reopened, we've been ordering delivery a few times a week as well. We feel it is safe and a small way to help support local businesses (the restaurants themselves but also the delivery companies).

I don't think people stocked up on toilet paper the way they have in North America; I didn't hear of any shortages. I know people did stock up on masks and hand sanitizer, and there were shortages of those items.

What precautions did you take to stay safe and healthy?
We've been self-quarantining; the first two weeks were mandatory and the rest of the time it's been encouraged that we stay home as much as possible and only go out when necessary. (Protocol has been different depending where in Beijing/China you live.) We live on our school's campus; I've left campus three times (once for groceries, once for toys/activities, and once for a walk for my mental health). Tony has left once. The kids haven't left at all.

We wash our hands often—every time we leave our apartment, after getting a delivery, when we come in from outside, and all the usual times like after using the washroom and before eating.

When we leave campus and/or are around groups of people, we wear masks. We wear masks because it is recommended/required here. (Clarke hasn't worn a mask because the risks to babies' breathing outweighs the benefits.) Follow experts' advice on masks wherever you are.

What have you told Mabel? How much does she understand or know?
We have kept it very simple and told Mabel only what she needs to know, when she needs to know it. When she asks questions, we answer only what she asks and are as honest as we can be while keeping it appropriate for her age/maturity.

For example, she knows that school is closed right now and her ayi (nanny) and friends aren't here. She knows that she has to wash her hands more than normal because of "germs." Sometimes she seems to fixate on germs and I've told her that there are always germs and we should always wash our hands. I've explained that germs aren't all bad, that they can help make us strong, but sometimes they can make us sick so we're being careful.

She surmised on her own that school is closed "because germs" (her words) and so we went with that, and just told her we hope she can go to school again soon. We're doing online learning for now.

When she asks where her friends are, we tell her: Canada, Costa Rica, etc. When she asks why, we tell her because their moms and dads wanted to go there. (Obviously it's much more complex than that, but I'm not going to get into all that with my two-year-old.) When she asks when they'll come back, we tell her we don't know but hopefully soon.

Sometimes she tells us she's sad and I acknowledge her feelings and am honest, "I'm sad too" or "I miss my friends too." Sometimes I leave it at that and sometimes I try to swivel to a positive.

I think her young age is an advantage to us right now because her questions aren't too complicated.

How are Mabel and Clarke doing being cooped up?
We're lucky we live on campus so we have been going outside to the soccer field and playground almost every day. (There aren't many other people here right now and they're all being cautious too.) I don't think Clarke notices any difference (but maybe he misses our ayi and his baby friends?). The hardest part for Mabel has been missing her friends, teachers, and ayi. She tells us she misses her friends almost every day.

How did you stay mentally well? What is the best thing you've done to keep from panicking? 
The most difficult thing for me has been my mental health. I’ve gone through a range of emotions. It’s stressful not knowing when it will end, I feel guilty about Mabel having more screen time than usual, I've felt anxious and depressed, I miss my friends and feel lonely. I’m what I call an “introverted extrovert” so I love being home, but I also love being with other people. I'll share what has helped me below.

Is there an end in sight for you? Is it getting better?
Last I heard, cases have gone way down and most new cases are from people coming from abroad. For the time being, we are still practicing "social distancing" and there are strict measures in place in public areas like temperature checks, limiting the number of people allowed to sit at tables in restaurants, etc. Still no sign of when schools will reopen.

Tips for Your Mental Health

1. Stock up on self-care items for yourself.
Buy or borrow a bunch of books you've been wanting to read. (I love my Kobo and you can borrow library books online!) I've been using face masks and taking bubble baths a few times a week.

2. Get outside (or at least open the windows)!
I feel so much better after even just a few minutes of sunshine and fresh air. Like I said, we're lucky to live on our school's campus, but go for a walk or to a park if you can. (Note: Follow local/health experts' advice; I am not an expert.)

3. Exercise.
I was in a great routine pre-coronavirus but all that went out the window. I recently started doing pilates again and it's helping me feel better mentally and physically.

4. Keep up your planner.
Since I'm on maternity leave right now, I haven't been using a planner. I started again though and it's bringing peace and order to my days. I write down a few tasks to accomplish each day. And I sometimes retroactively write things down and check them off—Bath kids, check! Laundry, check!—to "prove" to myself that I did something that day. (Of course, it's okay to not "be productive" every day! You should take days off!)

5. Get dressed.
At the beginning, I was using self-quarantine as an excuse to stay in PJs and not do my hair or makeup. After a while, I realized that was contributing to my low feelings. Now a few days a week I get ready like I normally would; it's amazing what showering and putting on a bit of makeup while listening to a podcast and drinking coffee can do for you!

6. Talk to friends.
If possible, it's great to have a friend who is going through the same thing and someone who isn't. (I realize that latter option might be harder now that it is a global pandemic.) I've had regular video chats and group texts with friends and while we've been talking about the coronavirus, we've also talked about regular things: work, books, podcasts, joys and hardships of parenting, etc.

I haven't done this yet myself, but I've heard of people having virtual wine nights, book clubs, etc. I'm excited to try!

7. Find the silver linings.
When I start to feel really down, I try to find and focus on the silver linings. I get to spend more time with my family. I've been reminded that I can do hard things. Colleagues whose maternity leaves were shorter than mine have been able to spend more time with their babies.

8. Acknowledge the hard parts.
So many people have asked me some variation of, "Is it hard?" Yah, this whole situation sucks. Hashtag understatement. Acknowledge it. Sit with it. But try not to dwell in it.

9. Limit time spent on social media.
Easier said than done and I need to do better at this myself.

Tips for Kids

Some of the above apply to kids too: Get outside; exercise (Cosmic Kids Yoga is great); video chat with family and friends. Three more things that are helping us:

1. Stock up on toys and activities if you can. 
When I knew we’d be stuck at home for the foreseeable future and wasn’t sure if stores would remain open, I went on a small shopping spree. I bought everything from a DUPLO dollhouse, to a train set, to bath toys, to finger paint, to stickers. Tony and I agreed that we would give the kids a new “thing” whenever it seemed right and that we would probably (hopefully!) not use them all. We will save whatever is left for gifts for their birthdays, holidays, and maybe even other kids’ birthdays!

(That Lego doll house is in the running for the best money I've ever spent; Mabel has played with it—with us and independently—every day for the past 5 weeks!)

More ideas for activities: Busy Toddler and Days with Grey

2. Say yes.
That’s a tip I first read on A Cup of Jo and I always try to live by it, but especially now. Mabel wants to sleep upside down in her bed? Yes! Wants to play naked? Yes! Wants cereal for supper? Yes! Wants to jump on our bed? Yes! This has been hard for her, especially missing her friends, so I’m trying my best to keep her happy and entertained AND safe and healthy.

3. Throw away all the guilty feelings!
I know it’s easier said than done. I have felt guilty that Mabel is getting way more screen time than usual, that we chose to stay here so she isn’t able to go to school or play places or libraries (although it seems that would have eventually been the same if we had returned to Canada), that we’re ordering delivery for dinner a little more often because it’s hard to work and take care of the kids and cook and clean. When I give myself grace and tell myself I’m doing my best, it’s easier on all of us.

More Tips for Getting Through This

1. Continue to live your life.
It will look and feel different, but you need to adjust to your "new normal" for however long it lasts. While we've been self-quarantining, we've celebrated Tony's birthday, transitioned Mabel to a "big girl" bed, handled temper tantrums (Mabel's and our own), and done our best to have fun.

2. If possible, continue to pay people/support businesses.
I've been worried about the economy (locally, nationally, globally) since this all began. Tony and I are very fortunate that we are still getting paid (he's working from home and I'm on maternity leave). Because of that, we're able to:

+ Continue paying our ayi even though she's not working with us right now. (At first she wasn't allowed on campus; now she is a couple times a week, but we're being extra cautious.)

+ Continue my weekly pilates class with my "pre-coronavirus" instructor (via Zoom) so he'll still have that source of income, in addition to free/more affordable exercise classes online.

+ Order food and drinks from local restaurants and places like Starbucks. (Yup, Starbucks. I know they are a BIG corporation, but the way I see it, if people are ordering from them, baristas have more job security and so do the delivery guys and they will continue to get paid.) I've seen people online suggesting buying gift cards to your fave places to use after this ends. Do whatever is possible/what you feel most comfortable with.

3. Help others.
I've seen so many great ideas online and I'm sure you have too. Donate cash to food banks, offer to get groceries or run errands for those more at-risk, help look after someone's kids if they have to go to work and you're able to stay home, whatever you're able to do.

4. Do your best to flatten the curve. 
I know it sucks (again, hashtag understatement) to have trips and events cancelled, to be stuck home with your kids, to not be able to go out for your morning or afternoon coffee. But it is possible, it is doable; we've been doing it for 7 weeks and counting now.

If you have any more questions or if there is any way I can help you, please leave a comment, email me, or message me. We will get through this together!

how to stress less.

Take a bath.

I don't consider myself a bath person. Nope. I'm definitely more of a shower person.

But last spring, with muscles achy from stress, I found myself occasionally taking baths at the end of long days teaching preschool. And every time I lowered myself into the hot water, I would think, Ah, why don't I take baths more often?

It's true what they say: the stress melts away. Add bubble bath or a bath bomb, a book and maybe a candle—I become a stress-free puddle.

P.S. More tips for stressing less right here.

how to stress less.

Wake up earlier.

Or rather, get out of bed earlier.

My alarm goes off at 6, but I have a habit of laying there for anywhere from 15-30 minutes. Which defeats the whole purpose of waking up at 6: having extra time to eat breakfast/drink coffee/smooch my boyfriend/relax after getting ready and before work.

The result: I end up dashing around my apartment, taking my breakfast and coffee to go, snapping at my boyfriend when he tries to give me an extra long hug, and being stressed out.

I'm much happier and less stressed on the mornings when I actually get out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off.

Bonus tip: Stay offline.

I also have a habit of reaching for my phone as soon as my alarm goes off. And then I check emails and Twitter and Facebook and Instagram, all before I've even stood up. Which means not only am I wasting time, but I'm peeking into other people's days before starting my own.

Which is why I bought an actual alarm clock instead of relying on my phone's alarm. If the internet isn't right at my fingertips, it's a tad easier to stay away, at least until I've peed and brushed my teeth.

(This is the first time I've gotten fancy and numbered anything in this series, but technically there have been 6 other "how to stress less" posts before this one.)

shake it out.

I've been listening to this often-ish over the past few days. Things are a bit heavy around here lately (not in China, I mean; just with me) (but they're also really good, too! Isn't that funny how things can be kind of sucky but also awesome at the same time?), so I've been needing to shake it out.

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

(Thanks for the reminder, Dalyce!)

how to stress less: a flowchart.

Since a friend tweeted this flowchart over a year ago, I've been able to relax a bit easier. I find myself thinking of it all the time. 

I know it might be easier said than done, but it's so true. 

If you have a strategy that helps you stress less, I'd love to hear it! Please feel free to share in the comments or e-mail me if you'd like to write a guest post.

P.S. More tips on how to stress less.

(Does anyone know who created this flowchart? I'd like to give proper credit.)

how to stress less: 4 questions to ask yourself.

A few years ago, I lived and worked with some pretty awesome people; we were Residence Advisors at St. Thomas University.

One of those awesome people noticed that I tend to worry a lot, creating undue stress.

Matty told me that when I was worried, I should ask myself 4 questions:

1. Is someone going to die?
2. Is someone going to get hurt really bad?
3. Are you going to lose a lot of money?
4. Are you going to lose a friend forever?

He said, "If the answer to all these questions is a 'No,' then it's a 4 [or less, on a scale of 1 to 10]. Don't worry about it."

The night before we moved out of residence, Matty gave me a little card he made with those 4 questions and his advice on it. He even laminated it for me so I could put it in my wallet. I haven't had to look at it often, but it's nice knowing it's there.

P.S. On the back of the card, he wrote, "When all else fails, just keep breathing."

If you have a strategy that helps you stress less, I'd love to hear it! Please feel free to share in the comments or e-mail me if you'd like to write a guest post.

how to stress less: 4 tips to change your thoughts and feel happier.

Almost as soon as I posted the first tip in the "How to Stress Less" series, Dalyce emailed me to say that she loved it and wanted to write a guest post. I've been reading her blog, Finding the TRUE, for months now and love her positive approach to life, so I was excited to read her four tips for feeling less stressed: 

Oh, stress. 

In today's society, stress is sometimes worn as a badge of honor--a check to show others we are "making" it in life. 

We are busy, sleep-deprived, overwhelmed and these things seem to add up to we are productive, accomplished, amazing!

We are caught up in some funny trap where stress equates success.  So it is then--our ideas and thoughts about what we're doing and what we (and others) "should be" doing is what stresses us out the most.

So, I declare, that by checking out our minds in depth, we can reduce the levels of stress we face in our daily lives.

1) Check in (DE-VICTIMIZE): When the pressures of stress overwhelm you, check into your heart and mind and ask the hard question: "What am I doing to create this problem?"  I can honestly tell you that although the issue may arise from outside of ourselves (a deadline to meet, conflict with others, etc.) the way we react to it is the cause of our stress response.  Be brave, be honest.  What are you doing to make this more difficult?  Make sure you aren't victimizing yourself in the process.  Saying things like: "She always wants me to fail" or "Nobody would want what I have to offer" are simply lies we tell ourselves in order to stay small.

2) Check out (UNPLUG IT): In today's information laden, technologically crazed society, things can really start to pile up and cause stress where none is necessary.  So, check out.  Unplug the internet.  Turn off the phone and get centered in whatever activity fills up your spirit: art, running, talking with a friend face to face IN REAL LIFE.  Whatever you can do to fill up your soul--go do it.

3) Speak the truth (ASK): Please, ask for help.  When things get to be too much, or better, BEFORE they get to be too much, ask someone to help you.  Or if it is your own project that stresses you, ask yourself for help.  What would help you right now to make this easier? Also, don't assume others understand where you are coming from or what you are going through, or how their inaction affects your well-being.  They don't.  Tell people what is happening and how they can help.   Ask them to pick up the slack, and do so in a way that is kind and clear. Stop writing the mental list of how much more you do than others (see tip # 1).  You are only damaging yourself.  Don't be proud, don't be shy and don't tell yourself that asking for help is a sign of weakness.  It is rather a sign of great intelligence and at the end of it all, by asking someone to help, you are creating community, which a great thing in itself.

4) Accept it (BE KIND TO YOU): There are moments when life sucks.  There's just no getting around it.  Believe me, I know: I have lost some beautiful people to early deaths.  Understanding and accepting that life is hard at times, is essential to abating stress.  The thing is this: life is also really wonderful (like when those people were around).  Acceptance can be hard, I won't sugar coat it, but a focus on the positive helps the bitter medicines go down. 

Hey, I am no expert; these are methods I have personally used and continue to use daily.  Stress will never completely leave our lives, but there are ways that we can be the advocates to keeps our brains, hearts and spirits healthy, happy AND successful.

Thank you, Dalyce! I know I'm guilty of victimizing myself and I definitely need to unplug more often! I also love the idea of asking yourself for help; I often make things harder than they need to be.

See more tips on how to stress less.

If you would like to write a guest post, email me at ajigreer [at] gmail [dot] com.

how to stress less: keep breathing.

There is one weekend in particular that stands out when I think of my second year of university. I got a couple of pieces of bad news within hours of each other on the Friday and I felt lifeless for the remainder of the weekend. I did little but cry and lay around.

Luckily, I found this song:



"The storm is coming but I don't mind...
All that I know is I'm breathing now...
All I can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing"

I listened to Ingrid Michaelson's "Keep Breathing" over and over that weekend. It made me realize that sometimes bad things happen and I'm not able to do anything about it. Sometimes all I can do is keep breathing. And that's enough.

Now, when I feel stressed, one of the first things I do is find this song and hit play. It makes me take a few deep breaths and I instantly feel lighter.

P.S. Another way to stress less.

If you have a strategy that helps you stress less, I'd love to hear it! Please feel free to share in the comments or e-mail me if you'd like to write a guest post.

how to stress less: worst vs. best.

I think the made-up word "stressy" has been used to describe me a time or two. In fact, I sometimes use it to describe myself. Feeling stressed is no fun (at all!) and can lead to a lot of unhappiness and some major meltdowns. Fortunately, I've learned and found some strategies that have helped me feel less stressed. 

I've decided to start a new series: "How to Stress Less." Every once in a while, I'll post a tip or trick in hopes of helping you stress less and feel happier.

A couple of summers ago, I had the pleasure of working with a remarkable woman named Marlene. She quickly became a role model to me, someone I looked up to. I felt comfortable talking to her about almost anything and she was able to offer me a lot of helpful advice.

She also seemed to understand me, my childhood, and the way I thought. She didn't seem to judge me, and she was almost always able to make me think more clearly.

When I was stressing about something, whether it was related to family, school, or a guy I liked, she'd say, "Think of the worst possible outcome; follow it through to the end."

She would have me walk through it, vocalizing what could happen.

Then she would say, "Now think of the best possible outcome; follow it through."

Comparing the worst to the best made me realize a few things:

1. The worst is unlikely to happen.

2. The best could happen, so why not take a chance?

3. Usually, what will happen falls somewhere in the middle of the worst and best, and you're worrying for no reason.

So, the next time you feel yourself getting stressed about a situation, think of the worst possible outcome and then the best possible outcome. Chances are, everything will turn out okay. And why not take a chance for the best?

If you have a strategy that helps you stress less, I'd love to hear it! Please feel free to share in the comments or e-mail me if you'd like to write a guest post.